Kayvan Novak credited as playing...
- Waj: Rubber dinghy rapids bro.
- Waj: I think I'm confused, but I'm not sure!
- Waj: We'll blow something up.
- Omar: What we gonna blow up Waj?
- Waj: Internet.
- Omar: You're confused bro.
- Waj: I'm not confused brother! I just took picture of my face, and it's deffo not my confused face.
- Ed: [conversing on the phone] Right so what sort of girls are you into, then, Waj?
- Waj: I don't know. Ones with big jubblies and that.
- Ed: Yeah? You like them big, Waj? Yeah.
- Waj: And nice fit arses, too, man.
- Ed: You're an arse man, aren't you, Waj? I knew you were, bro. You're an arse man. You're a massive arse man.
- Waj: What are you saying?
- Ed: I'm saying you're an arse man, Waj.
- Waj: You giving me batty chirps, bro? You calling me a whammer?
- Ed: No.
- Waj: Fuck off!
- [Ends phone conversation]
- Waj: Fucking Boy George!
- Waj: Yeah! Fuck mini Babybel!
- Waj: Aye up you unbelievin' Kuffar bastards! I'm gonna turn you to baked beans.
- Barry: What's with the gun?
- Waj: Proper replica man.
- Barry: It's too small man!
- Waj: Not too small, brother. Big hands!
- Waj: [calls down the phone to Omar] Brother, I don't know what I'm doing.
- [turns around to the SWAT team]
- Waj: Sorry lads, I don't know what I'm doing.
- [bomb goes off and smoke rises from the shutters outside]
- Barry: Why has she got her hands on her face?
- Waj: Because she's got a beard
- Omar: You're gonna do what I do, bruv?
- Waj: Yeah, bruv.
- Omar: I'm gonna give myself up, bruv.
- Waj: If you treat me like a bomber, why shouldn't I be one?
- Hassan: You made him wee in his own gob?
- Omar: What is wrong with you, bro?
- Barry: Submission... it's the rules of submission.
- Waj: It felt really bad, brother. It's not too tricky once you get the aim right, but... it just feels like really proper wrong. All the wee splashing off your teeth... .
- Waj: What the f**k has he done to his rabbits, bro?
- Omar: They're not rabbits, bro. They're chickens.
- Waj: They're f**king rabbits!
- Omar: If they're rabbits, bro, where are their ears?
- Waj: That's what I'm saying!
- Barry: The feds can track your phone even if the battery's out.
- Fessal: Really?
- Barry: Really. They can see you underground.
- Waj: Can they see you if you're not there?
- Barry: Where's there?
- Barry: Look, the way to stop the feds tracking you is very simple. You eat your SIM card. Get your SIM cards out. You remove your SIM card and - yes?
- Waj: Can I cook mine?
- Barry: No, you must eat it raw.
- Waj: Are they gonna make me f**k a dog out there, Brother Omar?
- Waj: Barry's not a good emir, Brother Omar. He made me do bad stuff in the woods.
- Omar: Like what? Hmm?
- Waj: He said... if I was a proper mujahadin, I'd whizz in me own mouth.
