The Dirty Facts of Life

I hate so-called porn parodies, but occasionally receive them as freebies with my legitimate DVD orders, and am constantly dismayed at the brainless, spirit-sucking nature of this profitable genre. The burgeoning Lesbian cinema is not immune, as witness this worthless riff on the popular 1979 TV series.

We have four seriously overage students attending Eastwood College for Girls, and their house mother is well-cast with Racquel Divine, she of the divine rack. Rounding out the small cast of what seems like a 1-day wonder is Lexi Bardot as Divine's girlfriend, and Bardot's beautiful rosy nipples are a rare highlight in the video.

This is the work of one Oren Cohen, an assembly-line hack who, judging from a couple I have watched and many I've sampled via trailers, is stuck in an extremely limited video rut hiring talented actresses to go through the motions of lesbian sex. For me the gap between a no-name hack like Cohen and big-name hacks like Braun and Quasar is infinitesimal, so simply add him to list of prolific directors to avoid.

In their brief dialog scenes the cast is encouraged to overact miserably, and there are no laughs forthcoming. Just more evidence that the word "parody" is intentionally misused by the venal elements who dominate Adult Entertainment, as these exercises in plagiarism are merely a lazy hook to crib from an existing work and make it your own. I hate the PSAs from this industry advocating for Free Speech and "Please pay for our videos rather than share them illegally", when in fact the chief source of revenue currently is in the form of this Intellectual Piracy called "parodies".

For the record, my favorite starlet Lindsey Meadows displays amazing tongue technique on Annabelle Lee's clit in their scene together, but later when the cast has an orgy with Divine after resolving the moronic "mistaken assumption" (they all thought, horror of horrors, that the lesbian "had gone straight"), Meadows is nowhere to be found, apparently having left the set to go and do something useful. That sort of sloppiness in structure is my number one pet peeve, and Cohen certainly earned his admission to the "Who cares?" club by dropping Meadows.