Adam Sandler credited as playing...
Lenny Feder
- Becky Feder: [about the bug zapper] Daddy! Where is it taking them?
- Marcus Higgins: ...Hell.
- Lenny Feder: Higgins. Don't say that.
- Marcus Higgins: Oh I'm sorry not Hell... Mexico.
- Lenny Feder: You see that? You just aim for a spot and shoot the ball there?
- Eric Lamonsoff: It's true. Your dad has won over 50 games with that shot.
- Greg Feder: Really? Because that shot doesn't work on the Wii.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Well, you should Wii-turn that Wii and get yourself a Wii-fund. Tim Duncan has had over a hundred game winners with that shot.
- Marcus Higgins: Hey Lenny, remember when we'd come here after we got wasted?
- Donna Lamonsoff: [Hearing what Marcus just said] What's wasted?
- Lenny Feder: Nice one, Higgins. Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.
- [All the kids are talking about wanting to get wasted]
- Donna Lamonsoff: I want to get wasted every day of my life.
- Becky Feder: I want to get chocolate wasted.
- [from trailer]
- Lenny Feder: Higgy!
- Marcus Higgins: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
- Lenny Feder: What does that mean?
- Marcus Higgins: Um... you're fat.
- Lenny Feder: No!
- Marcus Higgins: Can you have sex with them when they're pregnant?
- Lenny Feder: Well, McKenzie can because the baby thinks it's getting a Tootsie roll.
- Lenny Feder: We needed to be here. Our kids were turning into snotty, spoiled, little. This is what we needed.
- Lenny Feder: Lamonsoff, it's 5 in the morning. Can you kill the dog now?
- Eric Lamonsoff: Thinking about it.
- Lenny Feder: Roxanne, I have made out with about 25 girls in this very spot and I want you to be number 26.
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: As long as I am the last.
- Eric Lamonsoff: I gotta make a sissy.
- Kurt McKenzie: Come on, you made three already.
- Rob Hilliard: It must be oozing out at this point.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
- Kurt McKenzie: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
- Lenny Feder: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
- Marcus Higgins: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.
- Lenny Feder: Mama, I didn't know the Elephant Man lived in your shoe.
- Kurt McKenzie: How in the world's anybody supposed to get some sleep knowing they're under the same roof as Toe-be Bryant over here?
- Lenny Feder: Higgins, what are you doing?
- Marcus Higgins: I don't wear pants at my house, I'm not wearing them in your house. Sorry.
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: That was a man's ass?