Chris Rock credited as playing...
Kurt McKenzie
- [from trailer]
- Bean Lamonsoff: Mommy, I want some milk.
- Sally Lamonsoff: Come here. I'll give you a little something.
- [starts breastfeeding Bean]
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
- Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.
- Kurt McKenzie: [pause] That's 4.
- Eric Lamonsoff: [pause] Yeah.
- Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
- Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great.
- Bean Lamonsoff: I want mommy's milk!
- Eric Lamonsoff: No more mommy's milk.
- Bean Lamonsoff: I want mommy's milk.
- [a kid walks by with a milk carton, which Eric takes]
- Milk Kid: Hey!
- Eric Lamonsoff: Here's a dollar, get out of here. Now drink it.
- Bean Lamonsoff: I don't know if mommy will like that.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Just watch me drink it.
- [Bean drinks the milk carton]
- Bean Lamonsoff: I'm just like daddy.
- Kurt McKenzie: Yay! More for us!
- Deanne McKenzie: Since when did you learn to speak Chinese?
- Kurt McKenzie: Just a little something I picked up watching a Chinese cooking show.
- Deanne McKenzie: That's great. Maybe you should focus a little less on the talking, and a little more of the cooking.
- Mama Ronzoni: [laughs] You got told.
- Kurt McKenzie: You got toe.
- Kurt McKenzie: [while seeing Rob talk to his daughter] How do you get that from that?
- Eric Lamonsoff: 95% of that has to be from the mother, and I am lowballing.
- Eric Lamonsoff: I gotta make a sissy.
- Kurt McKenzie: Come on, you made three already.
- Rob Hilliard: It must be oozing out at this point.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
- Kurt McKenzie: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
- Lenny Feder: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
- Marcus Higgins: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.
- Lenny Feder: Mama, I didn't know the Elephant Man lived in your shoe.
- Kurt McKenzie: How in the world's anybody supposed to get some sleep knowing they're under the same roof as Toe-be Bryant over here?