Rob Schneider credited as playing...
Rob Hilliard
- [from trailer]
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: [an old woman approaches them] And this must be your mother.
- Rob Hilliard: My wife.
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: I'm sorry!
- Rob Hilliard: I'm not.
- [kisses his wife]
- Marcus Higgins: [onlooking] Oh, grody.
- Rob Hilliard: Hey guys! Motion 78!
- [the editing cuts back and forth from the play in the middle school game to the current game]
- Eric Lamonsoff: I gotta make a sissy.
- Kurt McKenzie: Come on, you made three already.
- Rob Hilliard: It must be oozing out at this point.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
- Kurt McKenzie: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
- Lenny Feder: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
- Marcus Higgins: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.
- Marcus Higgins: Why didn't you tell us she gets us?
- Rob Hilliard: That's what I've been trying to say all along.