Shaggy 2 Dope credited as playing...
Sheriff Sugar Wolf
- [from trailer]
- Bartender: What brings you to these parts, stranger?
- Sugar Wolf: [slaps the bartender] I ain't no stranger to these parts.
- Dirty Sanchez: [as Sugar is about to drink water from the well] I wouldn't do that if I was you.
- Sugar Wolf: What's it to you, hombre?
- Dirty Sanchez: Look, man.
- [Sanchez tosses the cup of water on the ground, where it starts hissing and steaming from deluding acid]
- Sugar Wolf: Oh, shit!
- Dirty Sanchez: It's better to drink in the saloon. Years ago, acid from the goldmine polluted our water. I mean, it's as polluted as a fat chick's ass after running a marathon with no underwear, man.
- Sugar Wolf: I got some carpet to munch.
- Dirty Sanchez: Hey, can I ask you a question? Does the carpet match the drapes?
- Dirty Sanchez: [after finding Bucky riddled with bullet wounds] Bucky! What happened?
- Sugar Wolf: He got shot. They killed him.
- Dirty Sanchez: Oh, crap.
- Dirty Sanchez: Okay, now that looks good. Oh, I like the way that looks a LOT.
- Sugar Wolf: I can't wait to spread this across your buns...
- Dirty Sanchez: Yeah, it's gonna be great, man. I can't wait to taste it.
- Sugar Wolf: It's gonna be delicious, right across your lips...
- Dirty Sanchez: Yeah. Oh, God, melt in your mouth, you know?
- Sugar Wolf: Dripping down your chin across your glistening chest...
- Dirty Sanchez: Yeah, naturally. I mean, that's what it does, you know? That's what happens when you make good, delicious butter. You know?
- Sugar Wolf: Well, I guess that about sums that shit up. My father was nothin' but a big money rustla.
- [howls]
- Sugar Wolf: Okay, Bucky, that's it, friend. You're hired, partner. Welcome aboard. You're gonna be on guard from dusk 'til dawn right here in the jailhouse.
- Bucky: Oh, that's some great news, sheriff. Now I just have one question, all right, does that include not getting shot?
- [Sugar pimpslaps him]
- Bucky: Oh, crap!
- Sugar Wolf: Why, of course not, Bucky. Don't be stupid. No deputy nighttime watchman of mine is ever gonna get shot.
- Bucky: Oh, I'm not bein' stupid, I'm just wondering how do I know I'm not gonna get shot?
- Sugar Wolf: Well, Bucky, I'll make you one simple promise: if you get shot and die, I'll double your paycheck.
- Bucky: Oh, man, that is great, sheriff! You got yourself a deal!
- [both stand and shake hands]
- Sugar Wolf: There's something running afoul here in Mud Bug... and I intend to get to the bottom of it... it smells like the bottom of Bigfoot's asshole...