Hugh Laurie credited as playing...
Dr. Gregory House
- Dr. James Wilson: House, I'll be up in 5 minutes. Then we can talk about how you'd rather be in a coma than in rehab.
- Dr. Gregory House: Actually, if you could be up here in 2, that'd be really helpful.
- Dr. James Wilson: Why?
- Dr. Gregory House: Cause I'm about to put myself into insulin shock.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: That's basically waterboarding.
- Dr. James Wilson: It is pretty radical.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: It's a great idea.
- Dr. Gregory House: Regular radical, me radical or me out-of-my-mind radical?
- Dr. James Wilson: Somewhere between regular and you.
- Dr. Gregory House: So what's the problem?
- Dr. James Wilson: Her?
- Dr. Amber Volakis: Oops.
- Dr. Gregory House: Kutner was secretly a woman. That's why he killed himself... it's Amber.
- Dr. James Wilson: Your subconscious picked my dead girlfriend?
- Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. My irrational part of my brain works like the rational part of yours. How about that?
- Dr. Gregory House: These people don't know me. You do.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: She's not your keeper. She has no responsibility for you!
- Dr. Gregory House: I need you.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [pause] Let me call my babysitter.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] I wasn't in your endocrinology class...
- Dr. Gregory House: You sat next to me. I cheated off you.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I audited your endocrinology class.
- Dr. Gregory House: Why would you?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Because I thought you were an interesting lunatic even then. I'm not here protecting hospital property.
- Dr. Gregory House: I acknowledge my subconscious exists. Now go away!
- Dr. Amber Volakis: Saying it is one thing. Living it is another. You're not rational, not completely.
- Dr. Gregory House: See, problem with speculation is you make a speck out of you and some guy named Lation.
- Dr. James Wilson: [to House] Do you have any other neurological symptoms?
- Dr. Gregory House: I don't think so.
- Dr. James Wilson: Aphasia?
- Dr. Gregory House: No.
- Dr. James Wilson: Memory loss?
- Dr. Gregory House: Nope.
- Dr. James Wilson: Irritability?
- Dr. Gregory House: [snaps at him] Yeah, that one!
- Dr. James Wilson: [to House] Any other neurological deficit?
- Dr. Gregory House: You don't seem to annoy me as much as usual.
- Dr. James Wilson: [When House enters Wilson's office as he is talking to a patient] The door was closed for a reason.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, now it's open for a reason. We need to talk.
- Len: He just told me I have kidney cancer.
- Dr. Gregory House: Then you'll obviously need a moment to process.
- Dr. James Wilson: [to House] I know that you're afraid of the pain, but electroshock?
- Dr. Gregory House: Don't give me the cancer voice. That overly earnest tone.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] It's late and I'm tired. Can we get to the talking part of this conversation?
- Dr. Gregory House: I quit.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Great. My nanny is off the clock at 7:30, so your week off, bigger desk, tighter nurses' uniforms or whatever other stupid thing you're about to demand is going to have to wait until...
- Dr. Gregory House: You can go suckle the little bastard child who makes you feel good about yourself.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [looking hurt] Screw you.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House] Put the phone on the receiver, send the hookers home and get dressed. We've got a case.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm taking a personal day.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Twenty-one year old star of the New York Ballet collapsed on stage.
- Dr. Gregory House: I love ballet, but as someone may have mentioned, I'm taking a personal day.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Cuddy said get your ass in or you're fired.