Drive-in Horrorshow

Like many anthologies some segments are more enjoyable than others. Overall I found it to be fun. I did feel the effects look dated, I was rather surprised by the date made, because it looks like it was made in the 90s. It has that 90s camp feel to it as well. Entertaining though. I did enjoy the drive through set up with the shadow customers.

It feels a bit like Goosebumps, or Creepshow with a lower budget. So it's not quite as good as these, but if these shows are up your street then I think you could have fun with it. I did feel the last one was the weakest one of the segments, which is a shame to end on.

In the tradition of the horror anthologies of "Creepshow" and "Tales from the Crypt" comes this homage to the long lost day of the best way to watch a horror movie. The Drive In Movie Shows. Five tales of terror are brought to you by your host, The Projectionist and his sidekicks: Zombie Frank, Billy Troll, (a mini Lurch) and a teenage axe-victim who are sadly lacking in customers. Each tale has a different take on horror with some more violent than others. People meet grusome and gory deathsin a visual display of very red blood and plasticy gore and gloriously wicked black humour. Whatever your ghoulish pleasure: be it cutting and slashing, cannibalism,monsters, even evil children. This movie has it all. It's not a bad little movie and oh how I love the way its presented. All in all it's not a bad little movie. bcarruthers-76500

An anthology film with the segments bridged with supposedly humorous antics of ghosts and zombies who visit their own drive-in theater to watch movies about more ghosts and zombies. Why, you ask, do the undead go to a drive-in theater when they don't drive? Wouldn't an indoor theater be more to their liking? And such a drive-in! The film makers apparently had access to an actual drive-in theater but were not allowed to touch the projection equipment. So when it's time to show a film the print magically changes from 35mm to 16mm and an old pre-war Bell & Howell model 138 is switched on. The monster projectionist hasn't actually put the film IN the projector,but he gives the reel a spin and as we zoom in on the reel of 16mm film spinning like crazy the picture is somehow projected out of the big 35mm machine. And they do this goofy act for each of the segments as though the viewers won't notice. The films come in absurdly tiny cans which should hold a preview at most. Nit-picking? Maybe. But if there is one thing a movie maker should know it is what film is like. And these guys obviously don't. They can't act either. The ghost "manager" tries to do a funny/sinister accent as he tries to be a version of "The Cryptkeeper" but he isn't very good and drops his dialect repeatedly. Some of the undead actors don't speak at all so they thrash around trying to be over the top funny but just look silly. The performers in the story segments are so-so at best and none of the stories would scare anybody. I'd like to give these folks something for effort but considering they didn't even try very hard, I won't. I suppose you could sit through this if nothing else was on hand and you were really desperate for entertainment. Recommended only for those die-hard fans who want to see every last horror movie ever made.

Stories: 0.75/2 - Direction & Pace 0.75 & 1.00/2 - Performances: 1.00/2 - Entertainment 0.75/2

Total - 4.25/10.

"Drive-in Horror Show," the 2009 anthology that claims to be a horror movie, is about as spine-chilling as a cup of lukewarm decaf on a rainy Monday morning. The four stories bundled together here are less horror and more of an attempt at psychological thrillers. Sadly, the only psychosomatic effect they induce is a profound sense of regret for hitting the play button.

These tales had potential, like a cake left in the oven for too long, but unfortunately, the writers seem to have mistaken mediocrity for suspense. The plots dangles before you like a carrot on a stick, tempting you with what could have been, only to deliver a bland buffet of missed opportunities: You're expecting a roller coaster and get stuck on a slow-moving merry-go-round instead.

The direction, or lack thereof, is like watching a confused GPS trying to guide you through a maze blindfolded. The director seems to be attempting to conjure some semblance of interest and atmosphere; however, all that materializes is a numbness that spreads faster than a bad joke at a funeral. The slow pace of the stories only adds insult to injury, making the viewer yearn for the sweet release of the end credits.

The performances, while marginally better than the rest of this horror misadventure, are the equivalent of polishing a turd. The cast stumbles through their roles like sleepwalkers in desperate need of caffeine, and the best actor in this dreary carnival of disappointment is the host. Kudos to him for trying to inject life into the cinematic corpse, but even his valiant efforts are like putting lipstick on a zombie.

In conclusion, if you possess an insatiable desire to experience boredom on an existential level, "Drive-in Horror Show" is the perfect prescription. It's the kind of terrible movie that undoubtedly makes you wish for a selective memory eraser to erase the unpleasant recollection of wasted time. Stay away unless you have a portable defibrillator on standby because you might necessitate an urgent need to revive your enthusiasm for horror after this cinematic coma.

"Drive-In Horrorshow" is a low-budget horror anthology made of 5 segments that have nothing in common, except that they all belong to a particular horror sub-genre. These segments are introduced by a ghoulish host that looks straight out of a b&w TV show, which nicely hints at the anachronistic nature of the segments, or rather their desire to encompass all eras of horror movies.

In no particular order, there's the monster movie, the torture movie, the slasher, the urban maniac and some sci-fi with men in black thrown in. This should make for a fun spectacle, but most of the segments go nowhere. The most blatant example is the first bit, "The Pig", which is 10 minutes of a raped girl torturing her tormentor in the bathtub until...he dies. There's no twist. This can also be said of the sci-fi segment, which reads like the 1st 20 minutes of a movie and then cuts. The slasher bit is simply 90 minutes of SOV backwoods slasher condensed in 20 minutes.

Although not original in any way, the "Meat Man" segment at least has endearing performances by the lead kids and some sort of twist, as does "The Closet". You get the feeling that the director simply wanted to pay respect to the many sub-genres of horror, but was simply out of ideas. As a homage, it works in a modest way, but as a movie, there is simply nothing to hold on to.

The grue is omnipresent, though surprisingly no so much in the torture segment. Even with 20 minutes segments, this mostly bored me. There's obviously a lot of heart, but no ideas. Next time, try a script.