Seth Rogen credited as playing...
- Rachael: Why am I the bad guy?
- Kyle: Because you're his girlfriend, you cheated on him, and he has fucking cancer, you lunatic!
- Kyle: You could have totally fucked the shit out of that girl.
- Adam: No one wants to fuck me. I look like Voldemort.
- Kyle: I was in the neighborhood - I was just on a date with Claire, the girl I met at the bookstore? My date did not go well, unfortunately, due to a lack of chemistry... and, I think, an overuse of profanity on my part. But, whilst on my date... I ran into Rachael.
- Adam: Oh, yeah?
- Kyle: And I would like to present to you what I am going to call Exhibit...
- [Shows Adam a picture of Rachael kissing another man]
- Kyle: *Whore*! Look at it! That's Rachael! And that's a fuckin' filthy, Jesus-looking motherfucker, and they're kissing! I did it! I fuckin' nailed you! I've hated you for months, and now I have fuckin' evidence that you suck as a person! Holy shit! Holy shit!
- Kyle: She doesn't blow you?
- Adam: ...She doesn't like to.
- Kyle: Of course she doesn't like to. No one likes putting a dick in their mouth.
- Adam: Why didn't we go to a barber?
- Kyle: That would have been a good idea if we paid someone to do it.
- Adam: Using your fucking balls trimmer instead of going to the barber.
- Kyle: I never washed them, ever. It's not my balls, it's my asshole. I'm joking.
- Adam: You're not joking.
- Kyle: You smell like you fucked the cast of The View.
- Kyle: [to Adam] You'll be fine. 50/50! If you were a casino game you'd have the best odds!
- Kyle: [to Adam, the night before Adam's surgery] Driving! That's what you want to do? That's your "Make A Wish"? To drive? We could be having sex with hookers while skydiving, and instead you want to do something I learned to do when I was fifteen!
- Kyle: Oh no. No, you're are not calling her man! After what she did to you? You're a pussy Adam!
- Adam: You're a selfish piece of shit! Care more about getting yourself fucking laid than being my friend!
