Dana Gaier: Edith

Despicable Me

Edith

Edith: Hey, that one looks like me.
Gru: What are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.

Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs?
Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn.
Edith: Cool!

Gru: Clearly we need to set some rules. Rule number one: You will not touch *anything*.
Margo: Aha. What about the floor?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor.
Margo: What about the air?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the air.
Edith: What about this?
[holds a ray gun in her hands, the laser sight aimed right at Gru]
Gru: [screams, holding a frying pan for protection] Where did you get that?
Edith: [shrugs] Found it.
[Gru takes it away from her]
Gru: Okay, rule number two: You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?
Agnes: Does this count as annoying?
[lets go of Margo's hand and puckers her cheeks]
Gru: [stops Agnes] Very!
[sighs, irritated]
Gru: I'll see you in six hours.
[leaves the kitchen]
Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right...? Agnes?
[She and Edith turn and see Agnes scarfing from the bowl on the floor marked "food."]
Agnes: [mouth full] Mmm?

Edith: When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this would be more like Annie.

Gru: [Sees Edith near his iron maiden] No, no! Stay away from there! It's fragile!
[the iron maiden closes with Edith inside; a red liquid leaks from underneath; Margo and Agnes gasp]
Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two.
Edith: [Inside the iron maiden] Hey! It's dark in here!
[Gru opens iron maiden; Edith is unharmed, but her juice box is punctured]
Edith: [Spits out a straw] It poked a hole in my juice box.

[saying their prayers before bed]
Margo: And please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep.
Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains!
Agnes: Ugh!
Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith.
Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice... and have a pet unicorn.
[Margo and Edith roll their eyes]
Agnes: Amen.
Margo, Edith: Amen.