Elsie Fisher: Agnes

Despicable Me

Agnes

Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?
Gru: No.
Agnes: Pretty please?
Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.

Gru: Kyle. These are not treats. These are guests!
[to the girls]
Gru: Girls, this is Kyle, my... dog.
[Kyle growls]
Agnes: Ooh, fluffy doggie!
[She runs toward Kyle, who whines and runs away; she groans in disappointment]
Margo: What kind of dog is that?
Gru: He's a... I don't know.

Gru: Clearly we need to set some rules. Rule number one: You will not touch *anything*.
Margo: Aha. What about the floor?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor.
Margo: What about the air?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the air.
Edith: What about this?
[holds a ray gun in her hands, the laser sight aimed right at Gru]
Gru: [screams, holding a frying pan for protection] Where did you get that?
Edith: [shrugs] Found it.
[Gru takes it away from her]
Gru: Okay, rule number two: You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?
Agnes: Does this count as annoying?
[lets go of Margo's hand and puckers her cheeks]
Gru: [stops Agnes] Very!
[sighs, irritated]
Gru: I'll see you in six hours.
[leaves the kitchen]
Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right...? Agnes?
[She and Edith turn and see Agnes scarfing from the bowl on the floor marked "food."]
Agnes: [mouth full] Mmm?

Agnes: [singing] Unicorns, I love them. Unicorns, I love them. Uni uni unicorns, I love them. Uni unicorns, I could pet one if they were really real. And they are! So I bought one so I could pet it. Now it loves me, now I love it. La lala la la...

[after Vector refuses to hand over the girls]
Gru: [leaning into the camera] Listen close, you little punk! When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!
Vector: [laughing sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared!
[Gru punches the video camera, making Vector jump and fumble to hold on to the shrunken moon]
Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kick your butt.

[saying their prayers before bed]
Margo: And please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep.
Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains!
Agnes: Ugh!
Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith.
Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice... and have a pet unicorn.
[Margo and Edith roll their eyes]
Agnes: Amen.
Margo, Edith: Amen.