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Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)

Review by BA_Harrison

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

3/10

The plot stinks worse than Kong poo.

When asked what his plan is, a character in Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire says 'throw everything at the wall and see what sticks'. Director Adam Wingard has adopted this approach when making this film, but on this occasion very little that is being randomly tossed about actually sticks. The smackdowns between the film's creatures are loud, frantic and reasonably fun, but the plot is a sloppy turd of Titan proportions -- a stinky, contrived, overblown mess brought to life in a maelstrom of not very convincing CGI.

The script is absolutely terrible, and the majority of the film had me either scratching my head in confusion or laughing at its preposterousness. Kong being equipped with a metal fist is an undeniably cool idea, but the fact that the protagonists just happen to have such a device on hand in Hollow Earth is just crazy (especially one with built in anti-frostbite serum!). A vet who knows how to extract a Kong tooth also knows how to fly a Hollow Earth hover ship -- clearly a man of many talents. God only knows what the Iwi tribe were up to with their glowing pyramids. What was the deal with that glowing spike that nasty ape used to control the ice lizard? And why did everyone suddenly start floating around in Hollow Earth? (there might have been explanations for some of these points, but they became lost in all of the chaos).

After Godzilla Minus One, I suggest leaving all future films featuring the big lizard to the Japanese.

3.5/10, rounded down to 3 for Kaylee Hottle's perpetually anxious look -- doesn't the girl have any other expressions?
  • BA_Harrison
  • Mar 29, 2024

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