James Rolfe credited as playing...
The Angry Video Game Nerd
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: There's sort of like a help desk where you're supposed to return the object or the landmark or whatever, but the lady at the window won't talk to you unless you call Yoshi to come and give ya an extra boost. Okay, so are you telling me that the reason that stupid bitch won't talk to you at first is because Luigi is too short to reach the window? For fuck's sake, he can jump higher than the shittin' thing! How stupid do they think we are? Use Yoshi to reach the help desk. Well, how 'bout use my greasy Italian plumber cock to whack ya across the fuckin' face?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: What do you think that is? Looks like the Empire State Building being gripped by King Kong. Of course, the same ape that was able to climb the building is now big enough to close his hand around it. What's this say? "Koopas seem to have gotten clean away with King Kong"? Are you telling me you're supposed to return King Kong to the Empire State Building? This blows my mind on so many levels. First of all, how did the Koopas capture King Kong? Second, why is New York City concerned that King Kong was stolen from the Empire State Building? Remember when the planes were tryin' to shoot him down? Isn't it pretty clear they want Kong off the building? Third, if this is supposed to be an educational game teaching us things that belong to New York City, WHY IN THE HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK DID THEY CHOOSE A GIANT APE THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST? Fourth, the bag. Okay, King Kong is like, 50 feet tall or somethin'? But in this game, they made him out to be, like, 1,500 feet. How big is he exactly? Well, if bigger than the Empire State Building isn't a good enough analogy, then let's just say, A LOT BIGGER THAN THAT FUCKIN' BAG! And fifth, I can't grasp the concept that King Kong is in a Mario game, the same character that was a direct inspiration for Donkey Kong, who also appeared in games with the Mario character. Are we running into some kinda paradox here or what?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: The first thing that happens, we see Mario get a bag thrown over his head. How does he get inside the bag? Is there a hole in the bottom? Why can't he get out? It begs an explanation.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Educational or not, these games are horrible abominations of space and time that give insult to the very fabric of nature itself! In other words... they suck.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: The main game is walkin' around a boring-ass town talkin' to people who don't even look like they belong in a Mario game, or a Luigi game.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: This is another "educational" "game", and I put that in quotes because it's barely educational and barely a game. How can you call it a game when you can't even die?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: You know, what's Luigi doing anyway? Isn't he supposed to be rescuing Mario? Why is he in New York City tryin' to find landmarks?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: It's one thing to make a shitty Mario game, but when you make the original Mario Bros. seem shitty, that's quite an accomplishment.