The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

Skip this movie. I watched it just to see if they actually did a movie based on some nut job sewing three people together ars to mouth. They did. They really did it and it is awful. I'm certain there are people out there that have been waiting for this subject to be delivered on film so if you are one, here you go.

There is no twisting storyline. There is no plot. There is no acting. Just a nut job sewing three people together. I may never be the same again after watching this cinematic abomination.

Run from it. If a friend suggests watching it end the friendship. It's that bad. It should get zero stars it's so bad.

This movie is trash. It's a sick fetish-fueler for some weird cult to get off to. The plot is non-existent. If you want to know what this movie is about in a nutshell, here are some key plot points - mouth sewn to anuses, swallowing feces, and humans turned into slaves without dignity. People will say it's an original idea, but OF COURSE IT IS. It's never been done before because NO ONE HAS THOUGHT OF SOMETHING AS SICK AS THIS YET. After watching, I felt like I needed counseling, or something to make me forget the entire concept. On top of that, there is pathetic dialogue, acting, and directing. The movie literally ends without anything resolved and you just think "What was the point of this?" There's no greater idea, or hidden metaphors. The movie is about swallowing feces. DO NOT WATCH IT.

Some movies are so much talked about, you have to see it. This movie was made popular through the animation series Southpark. In the episode called "HumancentiPad", season 15 episode 1, Stan was connected to an Ipad the same way. After this episode aired, everyone was wondering where Southpark got their inspiration, well, the movie called "The Human Centipede". And the movie went viral and became a cult hit overnight. Yes, the acting is bad, but on the other hand, the effects are nice. Yes the story is thin, but on the other hand it's easy to follow. Yes, it's more gross then scary, but on the other hand, it do got it's scary moments. If you really want to see the most gross, intense, well made movie ever, you have to see Martyrs (2008). See, the Dutch movies always are recognizable because they have something different, and that makes them always enjoyable.

I have heard LOTS of things about The Human Centipede. Lots of negative things and lots of positive things, and I have to start off with what is easiest.

For all of it's premise, honestly, the film was not AS gory or sick as I imagined. Honestly though, I am glad. With a film like this it's hard to review properly because it's almost as if a film like this will exist whether people hate it or not. I mean, it's meant to disturb. BUT one thing has to be said, the film was, surprisingly, very well-made. I expected a 'shocking' and nasty B-grade horror. The only B-grade aspect of the film was the performances from Ashley Williams and Ashlynn Yennie. When I first saw them on screen they come off very phony and unlikeable, especially when they were chit-chatting about usual chatter. BUT even their performances, as they became more and more scared, actually worked, and dare I say it, pretty fantastic for a film like this. I don't know if it was actually acting or what, but one could really feel for their physical and emotional distress.

Surprise after surprise, the film has one central fantastic performance, and that is from the twisted Dieter Laser. Like I said before, the film didn't only concentrate on shocking us, but it also showed us a lot of this man's twisted mind. Also, the lack of music helped build real tension.

Ultimately, I actually have to recommend this film. It's VERY well-made and has one terrific performance, and the film itself, for all its sick premise, at least isn't a sequel or a horror remake. It boasts originality, although it doesn't do anything completely original regarding how the premise works out, The ending is also brutal, and I am sure it will linger in the mind. Still, it's hard to really 'love' a film like this. Compared to Saw, it is actually a 'better' film.

Okay, American tourists with a car that breaks down - of course they go wandering through the dark German woods (you could play a drinking game and have to take a shot every time they say "Lindsay" and "Jenny" to each other - you'd be wasted) - and they come about a remote house and wouldn't you know it - just their luck - the house belongs to a complete nutjob surgeon who used to separate conjoined twins and now is obsessed with stitching people together. I'm no doctor, but there seem to be major flaws in his medical design - oh well. The film is kooky but well made, the lead guy (who looks a bit like Lance Henrickson) gives 100% and is fine as the mad doctor but the whole concept reeks of teenage boys getting stoned for the first time and playing a game - let's come up with the grossest thing that could be done to you in surgery. That's what it plays like - a teenage boy horror/fantasy/gross out. But with films like Saw and Hostel, it was only a matter of time before there was something like this and before long, they'll be other weird concepts that will try and top this one. Look out for ManBaby - see we sew a baby on the back of a guy who hates kids! It's creepy and it's funny! Hoo boy. Of course there's an itch to see something like this - the same itch that made people pay money to go see a freak show back in the day.