Amy Poehler credited as playing...
Leslie Knope
- Ron Swanson: Okay, here's the situation...
- Leslie Knope: Your parents went away on a week's vacation. They left the keys to the brand new Porsche. Would they mind? Umm, well, of course not.
- [Tom begins beatboxing]
- Leslie Knope: I'll just take it for a little spin and maybe show it off to a couple of friends. I'll just cruise it around the neighborhood. Well, maybe I shouldn't. Yeah, of course I should. Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot. I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block. That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking. I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking.
- [Picks up Jerry's phone, then hangs it up]
- Leslie Knope: The sun roof was open, the music was high. And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far. I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car. I can't believe it, I just made a mistake. Well, parents are the same no matter time nor place. So to you all the kids all across the land. Take it from me, parents just don't understand.
- [Donna and Jerry applaud]
- Leslie Knope: Thank you, thank you. Just a little something I know. So what's up?
- Ron Swanson: [Deadpan] Uh, someone is on fire in Ramset Park. They need you to get down there right away.
- Leslie Knope: Oh, my God...
- [Rushes out of the office]
- April Ludgate: Leslie!
- Leslie Knope: Hey!
- April Ludgate: Hey! This is my boyfriend Derek, and this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben.
- Derek: Hi.
- Leslie Knope: Hey! Oh. Wait, sorry. What's the situation?
- April Ludgate: What do you mean?
- Leslie Knope: How does this work?
- April Ludgate: Derek is gay but he's straight for me and he's gay for Ben and Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben.
- Derek: It's not that complicated.
- Ben: No.
- Leslie Knope: Oh. Yeah. Sure.
- [In confessional]
- Leslie Knope: The thing about youth culture is... I don't understand it.
- Jerry Gergich: Leslie, this guy from the Pawnee gay bar sent you a cake.
- Leslie Knope: Pawnee has a gay bar?
- Ron Swanson: Yeah, The Bulge.
- [Jerry and Tom give Ron a strange look]
- Ron Swanson: It's behind my house.
- Donna Meagle: Hey. Why are you all dolled up?
- Leslie Knope: Oh, it's a long story. I'm the guest of honor at this gay bar tonight. I guess gay men are starting to like me. I dunno, I guess they think I'm fabulous or something.
- Donna Meagle: Well, you look good, girl. You gonn' turn somebody tonight.
- Leslie Knope: [laughs and walks away, in side interview] That was, hands down, the best interaction I've ever had with Donna!