River of Darkness

One of the worst scripts ever. This film was written, directed and produced by Bruce Koehler. I firmly believe he did it all himself because no one else was stupid enough to think that the abysmal script would work as anything other than toilet paper.

The acting was so wooden that the rest of the cast made Angle and co look like the spirits of Olivier. Don't get me wrong, they were by no means good. But the film started poor and just got steadily worse. The cinematography would have been substandard for views of Home and Away. Even low budget B-Movies should have standards. One last thing. Don't get me started on the 'special effects'. I have seen more convincing at Halloween parties.

In all this was amateur hour at its very worst.

...the reason being that it was made at all. If your a wrestling fan looking for the novelty of seeing Kurt Angle, Sid Vicious and Kevin Nash outside of the ring then please realise....its not worth it. Nash and Sid are unrecognisable and rarely out of the darkness and Kurts acting is so appalling you will turn away and cringe so you wont see him much either.

In fact if you doubt that fact check out the other movies starring Kurt. He's an unbelievable athelete and in my opinion the greatest all rounder in the history of wrestling but outside the the ring he falls apart and cannot be taken seriously.

The acting is beyond awful, the special effects are preschool and the storyline is recycled. There is nothing good to say about this film and I hope all involved are ashamed of themselves.

Little disappointed there was no Jack-knife Powerbomb into a boat engine.. that would of been worth 3 stars on its own... Sid an Nash were as good as slashers as they are as wrestlers.. which is high praise. Angle enjoys turtle soup which is oddly intriguing, I would of liked a bit more back story into his turtle eating character.

How do you stop ghosts from killing? After a series a gruesome murders strikes a small river town Sheriff Logan (Angle) notices a similarity. After his investigation points to three brothers that are dead things start to get weird. For starters the main stars of the movie are three wrestlers : Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash and Psycho Sid Vicious. When these are you main stars you really can't expect a lot from the movie. The plot, acting and apparent budget reminded me of a "Scy Fy" channel original movie...only worse. The acting is really, really bad. The movie itself could have been worse I guess, but the acting was so bad it's distracting. Overall this was better then I expected, but the acting was SO BAD it's hard to overlook. Movie is a C-, acting is F. When taking both into account, I say D+.

Would I watch again? - No way

Dreadful acting throughout weigh down this moderately enjoyable slasher/ghost DTV. Undead victims of a smalltown lynching come back from the dead to take their revenge on the hicks responsible for their murder.

Good production values and regular slashings help salvage this very uninspired offering. This was meant to cash in on wrestling fans, and to be honest, I've seen much worse movies, but God, the acting. And the lead is not entirely responsible, everybody here does an absolutely terrible job of conveying the simplest emotions. A woman who just lost her child to the undead is particularly amateurish, and one paranormal researcher looks ready for Skinemax. One of the zombies is a dead ringer for 'Dog' Chapman. If you're not regarding, this can entertain you for 90 minutes.