Jim Ward credited as playing...
Qwark
- Qwark: The Nefarious Space Station; an impenetrable fortress fraught with danger and... eh... windows. Using my feminine wiles, I was able to convince the custodial staff to temporarily reroute the south wing thrash chute. This will be our point of entry. With the motion sensors deactivated, we should have smooth sailing into the south wing. Harnessing eight years of high school theater workshops, I will remain undercover as the lovely Shannon. My objective will be to escort you here.
- [accidentally shows picture of Qwark at a tropical beach]
- Qwark: Oops, that's a vacation picture from the Maktar Resort Single Mingle. Don't know how that got there.
- [shows the correct picture]
- Qwark: I'll escort you here, to a conveniently exposed thermal exhaust port. We will then endure rigorous calisthenics until we have lost enough body fat to squeeze through the port.
- Clank: Maybe I should handle this part of the mission.
- Qwark: Sure, that sounds quicker. Now, that port leads directly to Nefarious' personal quarters. Using the gigamorphic holo-ray, You'll be able to scan him and create a holographic disguise for Ratchet. With the disguise engaged, we should be able to breeze past the guards and infiltrate mission control were we'll use the main security terminal to atomize every docked ship in the fleet. With Nefarious trapped like a rat and the Clock safe, we can contact galactic authorities so that I may bask in the awesome glow of their admiration.
- Qwark: Space, its huge. So huge in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they would be almost impossible to find... Luckily for Ratchet, Captain Copernicus L. Qwark was on the case. His mission, rescue the Lombax's one and only friend. Yep, without Clank Ratchet was alone in the universe. Alone... alone...
- [camera pulls back to reveal Qwark sitting next to Ratchet]
- Qwark: ... alone!
- Ratchet: You realize this ship has an ejector seat, right?
- Qwark: Sorry.
- Qwark: Oh no, we're gonna die! Good thing I'm wearing clean underwear!
- Ratchet: Will you shut up? We are not gonna die! Aphelion, engage Grav-o-Metric stabilizers!
- Aphelion: Negative. Stabilizers offline. Thrusters offline. Landing flaps offline.
- Ratchet: Ok, so we're gonna die.
- [Ratchet and Qwark scream]
- Qwark: Okay... The key to surviving situations like this is to avoid phrases like, "it's too quiet in here" or "everything's going to be alright"
- Qwark: Dr. Nefarious has no authority here, villain. In fact, I'm not even entirely convinced he's a real doctor! So return my sidekick's pal before I bring the thunder...