Charlie Day credited as playing...
Charlie Kelly
- Charlie Kelly: [after informing a rival bar that the gang poisoned them 10 years ago to win a flip-cup tournament] Check it out... Who's to say we didn't put that very same poison in the drinking water?
- Mac: [customers begin spitting out water] Everybody relax. He's lying. He doesn't have any poison.
- Charlie Kelly: No, I don't have any on me. But I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
- Frank Reynolds: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles.
- [pause]
- Frank Reynolds: What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
- Charlie Kelly: Well, that's mayonnaise. That's a decoy.
- Frank Reynolds: And the mayo?
- Charlie Kelly: That's shampoo.
- Frank Reynolds: You're telling me I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
- Charlie Kelly: If you're using the mayonnaise, yeah... probably.
- Charlie Kelly: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put 'em in their place.
- Mac: How are you gonna do that?
- Charlie Kelly: Well, you've seen the movie, right?
- Mac: Yeah.
- Charlie Kelly: So all I gotta do is I'll ask them some like big shot, like, math or science, history-type college question and then I'll totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
- Mac: Yeah, in that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor. You're just a janitor.
- Charlie Kelly: ...Right.
- [chuckles]
- Charlie Kelly: ... Ah, you stumped me with that one.