Jude Law credited as playing...
Dr. John Watson
- Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
- Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
- Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
- Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
- Dr. John Watson: [reading a note from Holmes] Come at once if convenient.
- [flips the note over to back side]
- Dr. John Watson: If inconvenient, come all the same.
- [after Holmes throws Mary off the train, Watson turns around and sees his wife gone]
- Sherlock Holmes: It had to be done. She's safe now! In my own defense, I timed it perfectly-!
- [Watson lunges at him and starts throttling him]
- Dr. John Watson: Did you kill my wife?
- Sherlock Holmes: [muffled, tries to respond]
- Dr. John Watson: DID-YOU-JUST-KILL-MY-NEW-WIFE?
- Sherlock Holmes: [forces Watson's hand away] Of course not!
- Dr. John Watson: What do you mean? How do you know that, when you just threw her off a train?
- Sherlock Holmes: I told you, I timed it perfectly!
- Dr. John Watson: What does that mean?
- Sherlock Holmes: Calm down!
- Dr. John Watson: Explain!
- Sherlock Holmes: By the time I explained, we'd both be dead!
- Sherlock Holmes: Madam, this is a glorious hedgehog goulash. I can't remember ever having had better.
- Dr. John Watson: Do tell me, when was the last time you had a hedgehog goulash?
- Sherlock Holmes: I told you, Watson, I can't remember.
- Dr. John Watson: [whispered] Perhaps you've repressed it.
- Sherlock Holmes: [chuckles] That's where we differ. Unlike you, I repress nothing.
- Dr. John Watson: Perfectly normal.
- Sherlock Holmes: How dare you be rude to this women who has invited us into her tent, offered us her hedgehog?
- Dr. John Watson: Says the man who throws women from trains.
- Mary Watson: I miss him too, in my own way.
- Dr. John Watson: He would have wanted us to go to Brighton.
- Mary Watson: He would have wanted to come with us.
- Dr. John Watson: [as he watches Sherlock drinking embalming fluid] You're drinking embalming fluid?
- Sherlock Holmes: [exhales] Yes. Care for a drop?
- Dr. John Watson: You do seem...
- Sherlock Holmes: Excited?
- Dr. John Watson: Manic.
- Sherlock Holmes: I am.
- Dr. John Watson: Verging on...
- Sherlock Holmes: Ecstatic?
- Dr. John Watson: Psychotic.
- Dr. John Watson: [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.
- Dr. John Watson: How did you know I would find you?
- Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me. You collapsed a building on me.
- [when Holmes has sedated Gladstone yet again]
- Dr. John Watson: How many times are you going to kill my dog?
- Sherlock Holmes: [after they finish a short waltz] Who taught you to dance like that?
- Dr. John Watson: [with a smile of reminiscence] You did.
- Sherlock Holmes: [lights pipe]
- Dr. John Watson: What are we doing down here?
- Sherlock Holmes: *We* are waiting. *I* am smoking.
- [from trailer]
- Dr. John Watson: [seeing Holmes's drag outfit] What?
- Sherlock Holmes: I agree it's not my best disguise.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, how I've missed you, Holmes.
- Sherlock Holmes: Have you? Why? I've barely noticed your absence.
- [first lines]
- Dr. John Watson: [voice-over] The year was 1891. Storm clouds were brewing over Europe. France and Germany were at each other's throats, the result of a series of bombings. Some said it was the Nationalists. Others, the anarchists. But as usual, my friend Sherlock Holmes, had a different theory entirely.
- [last lines]
- Dr. John Watson: [upon receiving the oxygen mask as an indication that Holmes may be alive] Mary? Who delivered this parcel?
- Mary Watson: [offscreen] The postman.
- Dr. John Watson: [as he leaves the room] The usual chap or... did he look peculiar?
- Dr. John Watson: I'm on my honeymoon!
- [Watson kicks Holmes on the bum]
- Dr. John Watson: Why did you lead them here! Why did you involve us?
- Sherlock Holmes: They're not here for me they are here for you! Fortunately... so am I.
- [from trailer]
- Sherlock Holmes: [looks at Watson's gun] Get that out of my face.
- Dr. John Watson: It's not in your face; it's in my hand.
- Sherlock Holmes: Get what's in your hand out of my face!
- Dr. John Watson: [Sherlock holds out his hand towards Watson] I thought you'd never ask.
- [Watson and Holmes start to dance together]