Kate McKinnon credited as playing...
Weird Barbie
- Barbie: Come in to my Weird House! Hi, I'm Weird Barbie, I am in the splits, I have a funky haircut and I smell like basement.
- Barbie: So, what'll it be then? You can go back to your regular life and forget any of this ever happened, or you can know the truth about the universe. The choice is now yours.
- Barbie: The first one. The high heel.
- Barbie: No. We'll do a re-do. You're supposed to want to know.
- Barbie: I don't.
- Barbie: Mmm. Babe, listen. You have to want to know, okay? Do it again.
- Barbie: I'm not Adventure Barbie. I'm Stereotypical Barbie. I'm like the Barbie you think of when someone says, 'Think of a Barbie.' That's me.
- Barbie: I'm bummed. You're a bummer. That's a bummer.
- Barbie: Okay, I'm ready to forget now.
- Barbie: No! You're doing this one! I just gave you a choice so you could feel some sense of control.
- Barbie: So there is no option one?
- Barbie: No!
- Barbie: Oh, you've done it. You've opened a portal.
- Barbie: I didn't open a portal.
- Barbie: Someone did. And now, there is a rip in the continuum that is the membrane between Barbie Land and the Real World, and if you wanna be Stereotypical Barbie perfect again, then, baby girl, you gotta go fix it. Or you're gonna keep going funny. Look at your upper thigh.
- Barbie: What is that?
- Barbie: That's cellulite. That's gonna spread everywhere.
- Barbie: What?
- Barbie: And then you're gonna start getting sad and mushy and complicated.
- Barbie: No!
- Barbie: Send me through the portal.
- Barbie: Okay. There's actually no portal.
- Barbie: Oh.
- Barbie: It's a figure of speech. It's actually a sports car to a speedboat, to a rocket ship, to a tandem bike, to a camper van, fun, to a snowmobile, brr, which will take you most of the way to the state of Los Angeles, where you will don neon and Rollerblades, and enter the country of California. Weird, I know. Best if you don't think about it too much.