Bîchibarê deka: Tôsatsu sutôkâ o oe!

BEACH VOLLEYBALL DETECTIVE: CATCH A PEEPING STALKER! is an entirely cheap and cheerful Japanese Z-movie designed to provide titillation for male viewers who might enjoy watching scantily-clad bikini girls playing volleyball on the beach. It's as simple as that, and running at just an hour this is a film that has zero pretensions. There's some attempt at plot in having the main character going undercover to catch a middle-aged pervert who lurks in some nearby trees and takes pictures of the girls, but the biggest voyeur of all is the cameraman who frequently zooms in on chests and rears in order to ogle the pretty actresses.

What's most surprising about this exploitation film is how tame it is. There's no nudity here, no violence, just silly comedy and some even sillier special effects. The bit with a CGI volleyball has to be seen to be believed. The beach games are accompanied by video game noises and some ridiculous but oddly endearing video game effects that may or may not have been inspired by the likes of SHAOLIN SOCCER. Needless to say the production values are zilch and the acting is very poor. It's a very Japanese-feeling film and one that it's difficult to hate too much, if that makes sense.

A team of sexy policewomen infiltrate the Beach Volleyball World Championships to find the terrorists planning a nuclear attack.

Sometimes, a film seems like a no-brainer. Do you like cute Japanese girls? Uh huh! Would you like to watch them play beach volleyball in tiny bikinis? Why yes, I would! Then Beach Volleyball Detectives is for you.

Except that, while the film does deliver on its promise of young Japanese women jiggling in front of the camera while knocking a ball over a net, it actually proves excruciatingly dull. The lousy direction, the moronic plot and the soporific pace make every minute drag; furthermore, the acting is dire (not that you're watching this for Oscar-winning performances), the laughable special effects are obviously courtesy of someone still learning the basics in After Effects, and the action is unimaginably bad (the actresses clearly not chosen for their sporting ability or their fighting prowess). Cheap titillation shouldn't be this painful.

Worse still, after an hour of this garbage, the film ends with the caption 'To Be Continued...". Oh no... there's a part 2!

Not since Citizen Kane has a film pushed the boundaries of what true film making is and contributed so much to epic story making. It brings tears to the eyes to remember this work of art once more. Where to begin...

The scene of the girl detectives taking balls to the face was a technical achievement of the highest order. This was only rivaled by the symbolism of the dog that was a puppet but really a dog..or was it a puppet? Not to mention the daring choice of having Japanese actresses play Indian, Chinese and Japanese roles, makes the viewer truly question identity; the "mystery of the game (volleyball or life? sic.) as well as its illusory qualities in life.

While some viewers may criticize the movies final scene with a 4 foot high volleyball net and a volleyball that is two dimensional, true movie lovers will understand the director's intent to surmount the all too common cgi and blue screen special effects of today with stylistic choices that only add to the story.

An amazing film that should not be missed if you can breathe. It is not hyperbole to claim this film as a monumental work that will stand the test of time.