Simon Helberg credited as playing...
Howard Wolowitz
- [Howard and Bernadette are out on their first date]
- Howard Wolowitz: [Howard's cell phone rings with 'She Blinded Me With Science'] Damn, it's my mother.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Are you going to answer it?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, I'm torn. She might be dying; you know, wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.
- Howard Wolowitz: [laughs it off] Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
- Howard Wolowitz: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Okay, well does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning, like you're nine years old?
- Howard Wolowitz: You live with your mother?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: No. That's the sad part.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh. Okay, check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's nothing. I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.
- Howard Wolowitz: Corolla! More wine?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'd love some.
- Howard Wolowitz: Listen, you have to come to shabbos dinner at my house sometime.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, a Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.
- Howard Wolowitz: It's a date.
- [they laugh and clink wine glasses]
- Penny: Am I a matchmaker or what?
- Penny: I just told her you're an aerospace engineer and you speak five languages.
- Howard Wolowitz: Six, if you count Klingon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Girls don't count Klingon, Howard. Right?
- Penny: Right.
- Penny: OK, I gotta go.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Penny: Because last time I didn't go, I ended up playing Mystic Warlords of Ka.
- Howard Wolowitz: Not Ka, *Ka'a*.
- Penny: Buh-aye.
- [first lines]
- Howard Wolowitz: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card. And I am going to back him up with my Strangling Vines.
- [in Jar Jar Binks accent]
- Howard Wolowitz: Choke on that, Sucka!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay. Well then, I'll just *cut* your Vines with my Ruby Sword. That's right, I did it, I cut 'em.
- Penny: Um... I have a question.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Warlord beats Troll; Troll beats Elf; Elf beats Water Sprite, and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny.
- Howard Wolowitz: Unless you have the Carrot of Power.
- Penny: Okay, I've got another question. When does this get fun?
- Howard Wolowitz: Are we going to talk or are we going to play Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?
- Howard Wolowitz: How about computers? Do you like computers?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I use them. I don't like them.
- Howard Wolowitz: Leonard, a pact is a pact. You have to get Penny to fix me up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's not that simple. What am I supposed to say, "Penny, do you have any friends you'd like to never hear from again?"
- Howard Wolowitz: You and I made a pact that if either of us ever got a hot girlfriend, that person would have his girlfriend hook the other guy up with one of her girlfriends.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, I don't remember that.
- Sheldon Cooper: June 30th, 2004.
- Howard Wolowitz: Do you like science fiction?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: No.
- Howard Wolowitz: Role-playing games?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Like in the bedroom or like Dungeons and Dragons?
- Howard Wolowitz: Either.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: No.