Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- Penny: I just told her you're an aerospace engineer and you speak five languages.
- Howard Wolowitz: Six, if you count Klingon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Girls don't count Klingon, Howard. Right?
- Penny: Right.
- Penny: [after sex] Wow. You really are a genius.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Not really. I Googled how to do that.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know that deep down inside, Howard's a really nice guy.
- Penny: The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory.
- Sheldon Cooper: Photographic is a misnomer; I have an eidetic memory, as I've told you many times, most recently last year during lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry.
- [Leonard is asking Penny to set Howard up with one of her friends]
- Penny: You mean you thought a good time to bring this up would be right after sex?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well... I sure as hell wasn't gonna bring it up *before* sex. *During*, I was trying to remember what I read on Google.
- Penny: OK, I gotta go.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Penny: Because last time I didn't go, I ended up playing Mystic Warlords of Ka.
- Howard Wolowitz: Not Ka, *Ka'a*.
- Penny: Buh-aye.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How about that? Albert Einstein was wrong.
- Penny: What?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Points at Howard and Bernadette] Approaching them does.
- [first lines]
- Howard Wolowitz: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card. And I am going to back him up with my Strangling Vines.
- [in Jar Jar Binks accent]
- Howard Wolowitz: Choke on that, Sucka!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay. Well then, I'll just *cut* your Vines with my Ruby Sword. That's right, I did it, I cut 'em.
- Penny: Um... I have a question.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Warlord beats Troll; Troll beats Elf; Elf beats Water Sprite, and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny.
- Howard Wolowitz: Unless you have the Carrot of Power.
- Penny: Okay, I've got another question. When does this get fun?
- Howard Wolowitz: Are we going to talk or are we going to play Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?
- Howard Wolowitz: Leonard, a pact is a pact. You have to get Penny to fix me up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's not that simple. What am I supposed to say, "Penny, do you have any friends you'd like to never hear from again?"
- Howard Wolowitz: You and I made a pact that if either of us ever got a hot girlfriend, that person would have his girlfriend hook the other guy up with one of her girlfriends.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, I don't remember that.
- Sheldon Cooper: June 30th, 2004.