Michael Weatherly: Anthony DiNozzo

Outlaws and In-Laws

Anthony DiNozzo

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Mike Franks is standing guard by the door with a gun as DiNozzo enters] Hello?
Mike Franks: DiNozzo! You should have told me you were comin'.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I called and you didn't pick up.
Mike Franks: I'm not gonna answer the phone, I'm a fugitive!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: So what do you want me to do?
Mike Franks: Knock.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door.
Mike Franks: Someone may be on the other side with a gun.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Why would somebody be standing on the other side with a gun?
Mike Franks: Because there's no lock on the door!

[Ziva appears to be asleep at her desk]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You do realize this is a trap? She's practically inviting us to mess with her.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, what kind of man would I be if I turned down such an enticing invitation?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You wouldn't be a sucker.
[DiNozzo picks up a marker and starts moving towards Ziva's face...]
Ziva David: Touch me and die!

Ziva David: What do you know about the American Dream?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, let's see: I'm a white male, between the ages of 18 and 49, with a loud mouth and a gun... I *am* the American Dream.
[McGee's phone rings]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Oh, thank God.
[answers]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Agent McGee.

Damon Werth: What are you doing here?
Ziva David: This is Gibbs's living room!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are *you* doing here?
Damon Werth: Rescuing a kidnapped little girl, and her mother.
Ziva David: I'm sorry to tell you, but you are actually abducting them.
PMC #2: Hey, Werth, cut the chitchat, just secure the prisoner.
Damon Werth: I can't, we're making a mistake.
PMC #2: Bell's got a lot of money riding on this job! We're gonna finish it with or without...
[Werth knocks him senseless, then he and Ziva subdue the other two mercenaries]
Damon Werth: [to the unconscious men] I think we should hear them out, don't you?

Mike Franks: Lady Ziva, glad you're here. Gibbs send you?
Ziva David: We have been instructed to sit on the baby.
[Franks gives DiNozzo a puzzled look]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, it's gonna be fine, Mike, and it's good to see you. Have a mint.

Abby Sciuto: This is the crime scene. It was flown here on a C-130 cargo plane. Along with 2 bodies and all the evidence. And now it is mine. It is *all* mine! So I can figure out the mystery.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva David: Or who killed them?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby Sciuto: Sure, uh, you guys should work on that. While I figure out how he got it out of the basement.

Mike Franks: [as he's leaving] Why don't you put something in front of the door?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nah, I'll just stand here with my gun.

Colonel Merton Bell: You want to go punch-for-punch with me, Gibbs? Keep in mind, I got a big arsenal behind me.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I wouldn't worry, your suit covers it up very nicely.