Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz

The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

Howard Wolowitz

[last lines]
Rajesh Koothrappali: And the next morning, when he woke up, he rolled over and realized... don, don, don... she was his cousin.
[Leonard and Raj laugh hysterically]
Howard Wolowitz: That's still not funny.
Rajesh Koothrappali: [mimicking Howard] That's still not funny.
[they laugh even harder]
Howard Wolowitz: And she was my *second* cousin.
Rajesh Koothrappali: And she was my *second* cousin.
[more laughing]
Howard Wolowitz: You're a real douche.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Who cares! You slept with your *cousin*!
[Leonard and Raj laugh hysterically again]

Rajesh Koothrappali: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king.
Leonard Hofstadter: I hate my name. It has "nerd" in it. Len-nerd.
Howard Wolowitz: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeannie.
Rajesh Koothrappali: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects... at first.
Leonard Hofstadter: You know what's a cool name? Angelo. That has "angel" and "jello" in it.
Howard Wolowitz: It was my uncle Murray's funeral. We were all back at my aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen!
Rajesh Koothrappali: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits they hate me and don't come. I'm embarrassed so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.
Leonard Hofstadter: People could call me Angie. Yo, Angie! How's it goin'?
Howard Wolowitz: To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed.
[sighs]
Howard Wolowitz: Cousin Jeannie.

[first lines]
Howard Wolowitz: How much time do we have?
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, T minus five hours thirty-seven minutes to onset of meteor shower.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Okay, our position is thirty-four point forty-eight degrees north, a hundred and eighteen point thirty-one west; that means the azimuth should be a hundred and sixty-eight point twenty-two degrees relative to magnetic north with an elevation of forty-nine point nighty-three.
Howard Wolowitz: Anything yet?
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, we have a signal but there's no frame lock.
Howard Wolowitz: Hang on. How 'bout... now?
Rajesh Koothrappali: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO.
Howard Wolowitz: Mmm, Real Sex.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Big deal. Every time I watch that show it's old women putting condoms on cucumbers.

Howard Wolowitz: Okay, the best I can tell, there are eight other campsites nearby. Mostly science nerds like us, but just over yon ridge are two not unattractive middle-school teachers who reek of desperation.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Wonderful. How old are they?
Howard Wolowitz: I don't know, 50, 55?
Rajesh Koothrappali: Oh, menopause. Heh. Nature's birth control.
Leonard Hofstadter: Come on. You guys can't be that hard up.