Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- [Sheldon is helping Penny get dressed without looking]
- Penny: Now, you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay.
- Penny: Is that my arm?
- Sheldon Cooper: It doesn't feel like an arm.
- Penny: Then maybe you should let it go.
- Sheldon Cooper: [pause] All righty.
- Sheldon Cooper: We have to fill these out. "Describe illness or injury."
- Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. And how did the accident occur?
- Penny: You already know that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Cause of accident: Lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?
- Penny: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Kidney disease?
- Penny: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Migraines?
- Penny: Getting one.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you currently pregnant?
- Penny: No!
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.
- Penny: Change migraine to "yes."
- Sheldon Cooper: When was your last menstrual period?
- Penny: [in a disgusted tone] Oh, next question.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll put "in progress." Okay, turning to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioral diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety etc.
- Penny: Oh my God! What the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?
- Sheldon Cooper: Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.
- Penny: Ass!
- Sheldon Cooper: Possible Tourette's. All right, "moles, lesions, or other skin conditions." Soup tattoo on right buttock.
- Sheldon Cooper: Now, where is the switch to adjust the passenger-side mirror?
- Penny: It's right there.
- Sheldon Cooper: Where is the passenger-side mirror?
- Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood.
- Sheldon Cooper: While we have a moment, may I ask you a question?
- Penny: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Why do you have the Chinese character for soup tattooed on your right buttock?
- Penny: It's not 'soup', it's 'courage'.
- Sheldon Cooper: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
- Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
- Sheldon Cooper: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.
- Penny: Sing Soft Kitty to me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Soft Kitty is for when you're sick. You're not sick.
- Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.
- Sheldon Cooper: [over the phone] And good evening to you, Siam Palace. This is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening, so I'll be reducing my usual order. I'd like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate, and one half of the Golden Treasure for two...
- Sheldon Cooper: [pauses and listens for a second] Oh for heaven's sake. In the mid 18th century, King Rama the Fourth of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely you, his cultural descendant, can handle Pad Thai and dumplings!
- Sheldon Cooper: Mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.
- Penny: I slipped in the shower and I think I dislocated my shoulder.
- Sheldon Cooper: Not surprising. You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction.
- Penny: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Tubs are slippery.
- Penny: Warp speed, Mr. Spock.
- Sheldon Cooper: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was a science officer. And I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise's check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately.