Rob Corddry credited as playing...
Alan Connor
- Alan Connor: What brings you to Greendale?
- Jeff Winger: I'm a teacher. Wait, that's worse than the truth. I'm a student.
- Alan Connor: If they gave away awards for mind games, the statue would be Jeff Winger doing it to a brain.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Come on, Jeff's bush league. I gave seminars on manipulation. I can reach into a man's soul and unravel it with one tug.
- Alan Connor: Cool. Hit me.
- Pierce Hawthorne: You're bald.
- Alan Connor: So are you.
- Pierce Hawthorne: I'll kill you, you...!
- Jeff Winger: All right, let's do it.
- Abed Nadir: Jeff can't go. He has class.
- Alan Connor: Well, those cargo pants would suggest otherwise. Heh, heh. What has this place done to you?
- Jeff Winger: You have no idea.
- Buzz: [Puts a hat on Jeff] Hat club!
- [and runs off]
- Jeff Winger: Now you have some idea.
- Alan Connor: You should visit the office.
- Jeff Winger: Right. I can't show my face there after getting busted like that.
- Alan Connor: Jeff, you know what lawyers call someone who defrauds the state bar, cheats on his LSATs and cons his way into a firm? Best lawyer ever.
- Alan Connor: I don't know how you did it, man, but you're looking at the firm's next partner. If I wasn't actively repressing my bi-curiosity, id kiss you on your beautiful mouth.