Chevy Chase credited as playing...
Pierce Hawthorne
- [the study group approaches in a slow motion group march]
- Jeff Winger: Do we have to keep walking in slow mo?
- Abed Nadir: Twenty more yards.
- Pierce Hawthorne: You guys are walking in slow mo?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Sanders, Sanders, this is Pierce Hawthorne. Can I get this door open?
- Britta Perry: Look for the handle. There's got to be a handle.
- Shirley Bennett: It was the '80s. Everybody who made this was on cocaine.
- [Pierce is hallucinating]
- Sanders: I hope you find a seat so you can be safe.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Did you just threaten me?
- Jeff Winger: Pierce! You're talking to an Atari cartridge.
- Abed Nadir: [over radio] Troy.
- Troy Barnes: Abed?
- Abed Nadir: You can get that window open by doing the simulation. Look at the panel on your right and tell me your recipe.
- Troy Barnes: Original.
- Abed Nadir: How many pieces?
- Troy Barnes: Six.
- Abed Nadir: Flavor heading?
- Troy Barnes: Tasty.
- Abed Nadir: We need to get up to delicious.
- Troy Barnes: That makes sense.
- [Troy changes flavor heading to delicious]
- Sanders: Excellent work, Captain. Now keep your herbs and spices balanced while the crew helps you with teamwork.
- Troy Barnes: Guys, we can get the window open if you man your terminals and we complete the simulation.
- Jeff Winger: Yeah, I got a better idea.
- [Jeff starts beating on the window with a fire extinguisher]
- Pierce Hawthorne: We're all dying. We're all gonna die!
- Sanders: My readings indicate the need for cooperation.
- Troy Barnes: I hate to pull rank on you, but I need you to man your station now, Jeff.
- Jeff Winger: I hate to pull reality on you, but you got your rank, Captain, by sitting in the chair with the largest knobs.