Chevy Chase credited as playing...
Pierce Hawthorne
- [Leonard and the others abandon Pierce and Richard after dementia-ridden Richard crashes the Dean's car]
- Pierce Hawthorne: Richard, are you alright?
- Richard: Who's Richard? Is that me?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Yes.
- Richard: Then I'm fine. Who are those people running away? Are those my friends?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Now, that's a very good question.
- Abed Nadir: Whoa.
- Pierce Hawthorne: What?
- Abed Nadir: That's a lot of pasta for no veggies.
- Pierce Hawthorne: [definitely] You're not in charge of what I eat.
- Abed Nadir: True.
- [calls out]
- Abed Nadir: Britta!
- [exit Abed, enter Britta]
- Pierce Hawthorne: [Britta glares at the plate of pasta and shakes her head] And some damn broccoli, please.
- [Britta smiles and nods her head approvingly]
- Shirley Bennett: I told my pastor about YouTube and how there's no light there. Our church wants to sponsor the making of a viral video with a Christian message.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Ha. What are you going to do, "Rapping Jesus"?
- Shirley Bennett: Pierce, please step aside and make room for a new generation. Abed, would you like to make a Christian YouTube? I know you're Muslim...
- Abed Nadir: As a Muslim, I'd be happy to. As a filmmaker, no way. I'm a storyteller, not a preacher.
- Shirley Bennett: The Bible has been called the greatest story ever told.
- Abed Nadir: Ben Lyons said the same thing about I Am Legend.
- Shirley Bennett: Oh, well, I'll have to rent that then.
- Leonard: Ah. Stop worrying. Richard flew zeroes during the Big One.
- Pierce Hawthorne: What do you mean "flew zeroes?" He's not Japanese.
- Leonard: Hey, he left his keys.
- Richard: Ooh, who's up for a joy ride?
- Leonard, Pearl, Joe: [laughing] Hell yeah. I am.
- Pierce Hawthorne: I don't know. We could get into serious trouble.
- Richard: Oh, come on.
- Leonard: If we get caught, we can just pretend we're disoriented, and they can give us a ride home.
- Richard: Where am I? What year is it?
- [laughter]
- Pierce Hawthorne: But we've all been drinking.
- Pearl: Oh, grow a schmekel.