Michael Weatherly credited as playing...
Anthony DiNozzo
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Autopsy Gremlin, what are you doing in here? You know what happens when the direct sunlight hits your skin.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You spent like 6 hours online last night. You need to unplug. Talk to real people.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, these are real people, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: *Living* breathing people with lungs and skin you can touch and interact with. Gotta find you one of those.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Yeah, well. I got one of the other kind. Petty Officer washed up on a Maryland beach. Grab your stuff.
- Jimmy Palmer: [Excitedly] Oh all right!... That is not an appropriate reaction, is it?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Petty officer washed up on a Maryland beach. Grab your stuff.
- Jimmy Palmer: Oh all right!
- [Gibbs gives him a look]
- Jimmy Palmer: That is not an appropriate reaction is it?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I know, Boss. I'm as shocked as you are, but *Ziva* invited the Gremlin up here.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Don't get him wet.
- Ziva David: We have hit a Shamu.
- NCIS Agent Susan Grady: Does she mean snafu?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Roll with it.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Gotta give you some lady advice.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Rather get a lap dance from a nun, Tony.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [ID'ing a second victim at their crime scene] Well, no names coming up in AFIS. Oh, wait a second, boss. We've got a red flag here. It says to contact the FBI.
- Ziva David: I think I recognize this guy. Isn't it...?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Stefano Delmar.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Who?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Organized crime. Up-and-comer. Our petty officer stumbled onto a hit.
- Abby Sciuto: [re: McGee] Just think about his last girlfriend: she tried to kill him.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ah, I get it. You're trying to cover McGee like a protective hen.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Or an overprotective panther.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [seeing Jimmy trying to put ointment on an alergic reaction on his back] Dear God! Someone fed him after midnight.
- Ziva David: Jimmy, what happened to you?
- Jimmy Palmer: Turns out I am really allergic to henna, but I-I can't reach back there. So do you think you guys could...
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [grabbing his bag and hurrying toward the elevator] I'm late for a squash game.
- Ziva David: [hurrying toward the elevator] I'm sorry I gotta get the hell out of here.
- Jimmy Palmer: Please, guys! It really itches!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's what girlfriends are for!
- Jimmy Palmer: Yeah, yeah, ok. I can get the top part.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Stay, stay, stay!
- Ziva David: No please! It might be contagious.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [pointing to Ziva] She'll do it! She'll do it!
- Ziva David: I may have to hurt you massively. I may have to hurt you massively!
- Jimmy Palmer: I would do it for you!
- Ziva David: No you wouldn't!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Did you really make that decision or was it made for you? By your addiction to killing. McGee killed a thousand people yesterday.
- Ziva David: Eh? That is not a record.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On his video game.
- Ziva David: Oh. Is that a record?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's a surprising bit of editorial coming from the once-and-future king of Dorkland.
- Jimmy Palmer: Hey. I now have a girlfriend.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The king is dead.
- [Puts his hand on McGee's shoulder]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Long live the king.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: This reminds me of middle school; when the smart kids had to check the dumb kids homework.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: And which one were you?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: And that's because I anointed you King of Dorkland? Fair enough.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Listen, when Jimmy Palmer's out-girling you, trust me, you need my advice. I think you should give the girl a chance. You never have. Maybe you should. She's a nice girl.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: That's very adult of you.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's not me. It's her. Something about her, I can't put my finger on it, but I think she's got a really nice butt underneath those long blouses.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: That's more like it.