Martin Freeman credited as playing...
Dr. John Watson
- Dr. John Watson: There are lives at stake... Sherlock. Actual human li... Jus-just so I know, do you care about that at all?
- Sherlock Holmes: Will caring about them help save them?
- Dr. John Watson: Nope.
- Sherlock Holmes: Then I'll continue not to make that mistake.
- Dr. John Watson: And you find that easy, do you?
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Very. Is that news to you?
- Dr. John Watson: No. No.
- Sherlock Holmes: [pause] I've disappointed you.
- Dr. John Watson: That's good... that's a good deduction, yeah.
- Sherlock Holmes: Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them.
- Dr. John Watson: I'm glad no one saw that.
- Sherlock Holmes: Hm?
- Dr. John Watson: You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.
- Sherlock Holmes: People do little else.
- [smiles]
- Dr. John Watson: [John arrives home to find Sherlock shooting at a smiley on the wall] What the *hell* are you doing?
- Sherlock Holmes: [mumbles] Bored.
- Dr. John Watson: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: Bored!
- Dr. John Watson: [seeing Sherlock raise the gun again] No...
- Sherlock Holmes: Bored! Bored! I don't know what's got into the criminal classes. Good job I'm not one of them.
- Dr. John Watson: So you take it out on the wall?
- Sherlock Holmes: Ah, the wall had it coming.
- Sherlock Holmes: I see you've written up the taxi driver case.
- Dr. John Watson: Er... yes.
- Sherlock Holmes: A Study In Pink. Nice.
- Dr. John Watson: Well, you know. Pink lady, pink case, pink phone. There was a lot of pink. Did you like it?
- Sherlock Holmes: Um... no.
- Dr. John Watson: Why not? I thought you'd be flattered?
- Sherlock Holmes: Flattered? "Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things."
- Dr. John Watson: Now hang on a minute, I didn't mean that in...
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, you meant "spectacularly ignorant" in a nice way! Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister or...
- Dr. John Watson: Yeah, I know
- Sherlock Holmes: ...who's sleeping with who...
- Dr. John Watson: [quietly] Whether the Earth goes round the Sun.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh God, that again. It's not important!
- Dr. John Watson: Not impor...? It's primary school stuff. How can you not know that?
- Dr. John Watson: Anything in? I'm starving.
- [Opens refrigerator]
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, f...!
- [closes door immediately, pauses, opens it again, stares at a human head for a bit, closes door]
- Dr. John Watson: There's a head... A severed head!
- Sherlock Holmes: [From other room] Just tea for me, thanks.
- Dr. John Watson: No, there's a head in the fridge.
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes?
- Dr. John Watson: A bloody head!
- Sherlock Holmes: Well, where else was I supposed to put it? You don't mind, do you?
- Sherlock Holmes: [after explaining a series of complicated deductions] The picture's a fake.
- Dr. John Watson: [impressed] Fantastic.
- Sherlock Holmes: Meretricious.
- DI Lestrade: And a happy new year.
- Dr. John Watson: You know, I'm still waiting.
- Sherlock Holmes: Hm?
- Dr. John Watson: For you to admit that a little knowledge of the solar system and you'd have cleared up the fake painting a lot quicker.
- Sherlock Holmes: It didn't do you any good, did it?
- Dr. John Watson: No, but I'm not the world's only consulting detective.
- Sherlock Holmes: True.
- DI Lestrade: But what has this got to do with that painting? I don't see...
- Sherlock Holmes: You do *see*, you just don't *observe*!
- Dr. John Watson: All right, all right, girls. Calm down.
- Sherlock Holmes: How's Sarah, John? How was the Lilo?
- Mycroft: Sofa, Sherlock. It was the sofa.
- Sherlock Holmes: [glancing back at John] Oh, yes, of course.
- Dr. John Watson: How...? Oh, nevermind.
- Dr. John Watson: So why is he doing this, then? Playing this game with you. Do you think he wants to be caught?
- Sherlock Holmes: I think he wants to be distracted.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh...
- [chuckles]
- Dr. John Watson: I hope you'll be very happy together.
- Dr. John Watson: Uh, anytime you want to explain?...
- Sherlock Holmes: Homeless network. Really is indispensable.
- Dr. John Watson: Homeless network?
- Sherlock Holmes: My eyes and ears all over the city.
- Dr. John Watson: Ah, that's... clever. So-so you scratch their backs, and?...
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and then disinfect myself.
- Crying Woman: [sobbing over the phone] I've... sent you... a little puzzle... just to say hi.
- Sherlock Holmes: Who's talking? Why are you crying?
- Crying Woman: I-I'm not crying. I'm typing. And... this... stupid... bitch... is reading it out.
- Sherlock Holmes: [to himself] The curtain rises.
- Dr. John Watson: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: Nothing.
- Dr. John Watson: No, what did you mean?
- Sherlock Holmes: I've been expecting this for some time.
- Crying Woman: Twelve... hours... to solve... my puzzle... Sherlock, or... I'm... going... to be... so... naughty.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, sh...
- [releasing he's not armed]
- Sherlock Holmes: What?
- Dr. John Watson: I wish I...
- [Sherlock hands him his gun]
- Sherlock Holmes: Don't mention it.