Mark Harmon: Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Baltimore

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe being a cop isn't for me.
[Gibbs slaps the back of DiNozzo's head]
Anthony DiNozzo: Huh? Did you just physically assault me?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't have a lot of rules. But rule #5 is, "you don't waste good." You're good.
Anthony DiNozzo: Thanks... don't make a habit of that.
[DiNozzo realizes they're by Human Resources]
Anthony DiNozzo: Did I mention you're a devious man, Gibbs?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Boy, I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals."
Anthony DiNozzo: Butch Cassidy. That's nice.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Reading McGee's report] "Retinal scanner uses wave-front sensing reflection points. "
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Heh.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Correlates the data using 8 point spread function."
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Yeah.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Rasterizes the pupil. Conjugate geometry."
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Was I too technical?
[Gibbs drops the report in the trash]

Abby Sciuto: What if the killer's trying to tell us he's gonna come after our friends? I mean, Tony knew the victim.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Not just Tony. I knew him, too.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: That was the plan. Until you screwed it up.
Anthony DiNozzo: [laugh] Me? Listen here. You're the one that didn't tell the department that your, uh, N-C-I-S was running an op.
Detective Danny Price: Or read our dispatch. We had a BOLO out on Joey for two days.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, I know.
Anthony DiNozzo: You knew?... Well then, what the hell were you doing, running around risking -?
[Tony laughs in realization]
Anthony DiNozzo: Really? You wanted to get arrested. We didn't screw anything up for him. You're a new face on the street. What's the best way to earn instant bona fides than, uh - getting pinched?
[DiNozzo chuckles]
Anthony DiNozzo: A Navy guy. I don't like getting played. Having said that, well played. Very Donnie Brasco, actually.

Dr. Donald Mallard: [about the murder victim] Did he have any previous Naval experience?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: He was a reservist before he joined the police.
Dr. Donald Mallard: I suppose it is possible that Anthony's relation to him is, uh... merely coincidental.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You wanna bet, Duck?
Dr. Donald Mallard: Nothing I care to lose.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Taking a suspect into custody] You have the right to remain silent or I can shut you up myself!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Take it easy, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You also have the right to an attorney so he can tell you how you weren't hugged enough as a child.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm more worried about Abby's theory that the Port-to-Port killer's targeting our friends. Can't protect them all.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: We protect them by catching the killer - same as you did before.

Ziva David: [after interviewing a cracked-out junkie who saw the getaway car] That was a waste! He had nothing to add to his statement about the robbery at the bakery. And I'm not going back in there unless it is absolutely fumigated!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Twice.
Dr. Donald Mallard: Jethro! Oh, thank goodness I found you.
[walks past the interrogation room]
Dr. Donald Mallard: Whoa! Wh-what is that smell?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Pacci, you get that other thing for me?
NCIS Agent Chris Pacci: Yeah. Detective DiNozzo's personnel file right here.
[Pacci puts the file on Gibbs's desk]
NCIS Agent Chris Pacci: You need anything else? Because I gotta head to the Infirmary. My ulcer's killing me again. I'm telling you, this stomach is going to be the death of me.

Anthony DiNozzo: [Walks off elevator and into the bullpen] Hey, guys! Tell me you've seen it.
Ziva David: And good morning to you, too, Tony.
Anthony DiNozzo: Actually it's the worst morning in the history of mornings. My phone! Tell me you've seen it.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Lost your cell, huh? Ouch.
Ziva David: Well, you are a very capable investigator. Why don't you just investigate.
Anthony DiNozzo: Yes.
[Proceeds to yank out the drawers from his desk, pouring all the contents onto the floor]
Ziva David: [Gibbs walks in and stares at Tony, who freezes and stares back] Uh, Tony is just...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't want to know.
[Tony tosses aside the empty drawer and carries on searching]

Anthony DiNozzo: Well, it's confirmed, he's a cop. A Navy cop. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Detective Danny Price: Oops. We're sorry. Maybe next time, you'll remember your identification.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You don't do a lot of undercover work, do you?
Anthony DiNozzo: Do you? You just got arrested.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I let you arrest me.
Anthony DiNozzo: Let?
[laughs]
Anthony DiNozzo: Who you kidding? I chased you half a block, and I had you like a gazelle on the Serengeti. Am I wrong?
Detective Danny Price: No.
Anthony DiNozzo: No. So what am I supposed to call you, Special Agent, uh, Leroy?
Detective Danny Price: Mm-hmm?
Anthony DiNozzo: Jethro?
Detective Danny Price: Jethro? Mm
Anthony DiNozzo: That's a little Beverly Hillbillies. Gibbs it is, I guess.

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo.
[Tony is crawling by his desk]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What the hell are you doing?
Anthony DiNozzo: I lost my phone. You haven't seen it?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Pulls out a phone and throws it to Tony] Use mine.
Anthony DiNozzo: [Looks at the phone] Wow, that's heavy. I need something with a computer on it so I can program ringtones. Otherwise I don't... 'Cause I have a... It's ringing.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Answer it.
Anthony DiNozzo: Special Agent Gibbs' desk. This is Very Special Agent Anthony DiNo... Oh, hey. Where? Okay. Dead guy. Navy Lodge.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Let's go.
Anthony DiNozzo: [Tosses phone back to Gibbs] Here you go.
[Gibbs offers it back to him]
Anthony DiNozzo: That's very nice of you, but I'm good.