Michael Weatherly credited as playing...
Anthony DiNozzo
- Anthony DiNozzo: How'd we end up doing a Navy cop's job for him?
- Detective Danny Price: Cause he's smarter than us.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Mmm. More devious - maybe. I don't know about smarter.
- Detective Danny Price: I kind of liked him actually.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Who'd want to be a Navy cop? I'd rather have the plague.
- Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe being a cop isn't for me.
- [Gibbs slaps the back of DiNozzo's head]
- Anthony DiNozzo: Huh? Did you just physically assault me?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't have a lot of rules. But rule #5 is, "you don't waste good." You're good.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Thanks... don't make a habit of that.
- [DiNozzo realizes they're by Human Resources]
- Anthony DiNozzo: Did I mention you're a devious man, Gibbs?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Boy, I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals."
- Anthony DiNozzo: Butch Cassidy. That's nice.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: That was the plan. Until you screwed it up.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [laugh] Me? Listen here. You're the one that didn't tell the department that your, uh, N-C-I-S was running an op.
- Detective Danny Price: Or read our dispatch. We had a BOLO out on Joey for two days.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, I know.
- Anthony DiNozzo: You knew?... Well then, what the hell were you doing, running around risking -?
- [Tony laughs in realization]
- Anthony DiNozzo: Really? You wanted to get arrested. We didn't screw anything up for him. You're a new face on the street. What's the best way to earn instant bona fides than, uh - getting pinched?
- [DiNozzo chuckles]
- Anthony DiNozzo: A Navy guy. I don't like getting played. Having said that, well played. Very Donnie Brasco, actually.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Taking a suspect into custody] You have the right to remain silent or I can shut you up myself!
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Take it easy, DiNozzo.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You also have the right to an attorney so he can tell you how you weren't hugged enough as a child.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm more worried about Abby's theory that the Port-to-Port killer's targeting our friends. Can't protect them all.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: We protect them by catching the killer - same as you did before.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [as he's chasing a suspect] I have a degree in Physical Education! I played varsity basketball at Ohio State! This isn't going to end well for you! Your money-laundering days...
- [DiNozzo runs into the street and into a moving car. He gets up quickly continues the pursuit]
- Anthony DiNozzo: -Are over!
- Anthony DiNozzo: Everybody? I just want you to know that I'm a little disappointed. PCP addicts are Friday night. It's Saturday night, which is Hooker Night! Where are the hookers?
- Sapphire: [Entering] Hey, Tony!
- [all the cops cat-call and whistle]
- Anthony DiNozzo: I mean the call girls. Hi, Sapphire.
- Sapphire: When's the big day?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Uh, thanks for those Christmas decorations.
- Sapphire: No problem, babe.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [as DiNozzo is chasing a suspect] Freeze dirtbag! You can't out run me. I'm wearing tube socks!
- [DiNozzo tackles the suspect, revealing it's Gibbs. Gibbs punches him and DiNozzo pulls out his weapon]
- Anthony DiNozzo: I said freeze, dirtbag!
- Detective Danny Price: Oh. Hey, look. I think this is for you.
- [Hands Tony a fortune cookie]
- Anthony DiNozzo: [laughs] "Love is for the lucky and the brave." Why is that for me?
- Detective Danny Price: Hey, man, asking your High School Music teacher out qualifies as brave in my book.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Wendy asked me out, remember?
- Detective Danny Price: See, that's why you can dress like that. 'Cause you're good-looking. But one of these days, the looks are gonna run out.
- Anthony DiNozzo: I plan to be safely married by then, Danny.
- Detective Danny Price: Well, if not, you might want to consider a new wardrobe. Seriously. Yeah, with the right clothes, you'd be unstoppable.
- Anthony DiNozzo: What's that supposed to mean?
- [flashback to 2001]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [chasing a suspect] You can't outrun me, I'm wearing tube socks!
- Dr. Donald Mallard: And for the grand finale...
- [Ducky rips open the plastic covering the body, Tony prepares to take a photo but stops when he sees the face]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: ... a six-centimeter cut ear to ear, severing the carotid artery. Our killer is nothing if not consistent.
- Ziva David: Is there anything wrong, Tony?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah. I know him.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Who is he?
- Anthony DiNozzo: He's my old partner.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [Walks off elevator and into the bullpen] Hey, guys! Tell me you've seen it.
- Ziva David: And good morning to you, too, Tony.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Actually it's the worst morning in the history of mornings. My phone! Tell me you've seen it.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Lost your cell, huh? Ouch.
- Ziva David: Well, you are a very capable investigator. Why don't you just investigate.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Yes.
- [Proceeds to yank out the drawers from his desk, pouring all the contents onto the floor]
- Ziva David: [Gibbs walks in and stares at Tony, who freezes and stares back] Uh, Tony is just...
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't want to know.
- [Tony tosses aside the empty drawer and carries on searching]
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Yeah, all of the prior victims were in perfect health. But this one suffered from a severe alcohol-induced cirrhosis. He must've had... quite a drinking problem.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Not when I knew him, but, uh... a few years after I left for NCIS, I know that... he was asked to retire.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: I see.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, um... Came from money, not that he ever saw much of it. His dad... wasn't around much and his mom died when he was a kid.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: So you and he had quite a lot in common. I'm surprised I never heard you mention him.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Well, you know how it is. You lose touch, time goes by. Too much time, in this case.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: And when it's gone, you can never get it back.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Well, it's confirmed, he's a cop. A Navy cop. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
- Detective Danny Price: Oops. We're sorry. Maybe next time, you'll remember your identification.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You don't do a lot of undercover work, do you?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Do you? You just got arrested.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I let you arrest me.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Let?
- [laughs]
- Anthony DiNozzo: Who you kidding? I chased you half a block, and I had you like a gazelle on the Serengeti. Am I wrong?
- Detective Danny Price: No.
- Anthony DiNozzo: No. So what am I supposed to call you, Special Agent, uh, Leroy?
- Detective Danny Price: Mm-hmm?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Jethro?
- Detective Danny Price: Jethro? Mm
- Anthony DiNozzo: That's a little Beverly Hillbillies. Gibbs it is, I guess.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [as Danny shows off his new tattoo] Does it really go with the suit, though?
- Detective Danny Price: Oh, it's - it's Nino Cerruti.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Cerr-uti...
- Detective Danny Price: Forgive me if I don't take fashion advice from a man who still wears tube socks.
- Anthony DiNozzo: What's the matter with tube socks? They're very comfortable, and they give you traction.
- Detective Danny Price: For what?
- Tweaking Addict: Get off of me!
- Anthony DiNozzo: [an addict breaks loose of a patrolman and charges through the squadroom. Tony gives his chair a shove with his foot, sending it into the addict's path and sending him crashing to the floor] Yeesh. Ow.
- Detective Danny Price: You didn't need tube socks for that.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo.
- [Tony is crawling by his desk]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What the hell are you doing?
- Anthony DiNozzo: I lost my phone. You haven't seen it?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Pulls out a phone and throws it to Tony] Use mine.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [Looks at the phone] Wow, that's heavy. I need something with a computer on it so I can program ringtones. Otherwise I don't... 'Cause I have a... It's ringing.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Answer it.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Special Agent Gibbs' desk. This is Very Special Agent Anthony DiNo... Oh, hey. Where? Okay. Dead guy. Navy Lodge.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Let's go.
- Anthony DiNozzo: [Tosses phone back to Gibbs] Here you go.
- [Gibbs offers it back to him]
- Anthony DiNozzo: That's very nice of you, but I'm good.
- Detective Danny Price: This fell out of your jacket.
- [Hands him a ring box]
- Detective Danny Price: Hmm? You planning to propose to Wendy or something?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Actually, I already did.
- Detective Danny Price: What?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah. I got to take it back and get it resized, though.
- [Looks at ring]
- Anthony DiNozzo: Evidently, it's a little small.
- Detective Danny Price: Well... so she said...
- Anthony DiNozzo: She said yes, you smart-ass.
- Detective Danny Price: And you were going to tell me this when?
- Anthony DiNozzo: I haven't told anybody.
- Detective Danny Price: In case she said no?
- Anthony DiNozzo: No. I just wanted to tell her first before I told anyone else.
- Detective Danny Price: Okay. Okay. Well, congrats, man. Excellent.
- Anthony DiNozzo: Thanks.