Doug Walker credited as playing...
Nostalgia Critic • Captain Hook
- Nostalgia Critic: [about Peter Banning] Dude, how big a killjoy is this jerk?
- [as child]
- Nostalgia Critic: Dad, is there a Santa Claus?
- [as himself]
- Nostalgia Critic: No!
- [as child]
- Nostalgia Critic: Is there an Easter bunny?
- [as himself]
- Nostalgia Critic: No, we made that up too.
- [as child]
- Nostalgia Critic: Is there a God?
- [as himself]
- Nostalgia Critic: Well scientifically speaking, they've never proven that God exists, so probably not. In fact, the majority of religions, if not all religions, are completely false.
- [child cries]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, WHAT?
- Nostalgia Critic: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I don't believe in fairies.
- [Flora from Sleeping Beauty drops from the sky; Critic shrugs and walks off]
- Nostalgia Critic: On their way, she sprinkles some fairy dust on a kissing couple and they fly up in the air. It's a cute joke, but something about that couple seems familiar. It's George Lucas and Carrie Fisher? I swear to God that's not a joke. George Lucas and Carrie Fisher are the couple kissing on that bridge. Go, neurotic fan-fiction writers, to your keyboards! A new world of sexual Star Wars fantasies awaits you!
- Nostalgia Critic: You know, it's at times like these I wish the pirates of Neverland would join forces with the Pirates of the Caribbean.
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Peter is fighting some pirates, another group just stands still in the background] Uh, feel free to join in, guys. A super hyper adult-child with a sword is not easy to battle one on one.
- Nostalgia Critic: Fortunately, the Goonies of the Caribbean show up to give Peter some much needed help.
- Rufio: [dying in Peter's arms] Do you know what I wish? I wish I had a dad... like you.
- Nostalgia Critic: That and... not getting stabbed would have been nice.
- Captain Hook: Peter! I swear to you, wherever you go, wherever you are. I VOW there will always be daggers baring notes signed James Hook. They will be flung into doors of your children's children's children.
- Nostalgia Critic: You've seen Hollywood make sequels out of worse scenarios. This must end TODAY!
- Captain Hook: After all, what would the world be like without... Captain Hook?
- Nostalgia Critic: Probably like a world without bean chairs. Some would notice, but not a huge loss.
- Nostalgia Critic: So they call the police as Detective Phil Collins here comes in to look over the situation. I'm not even kidding. That's really Phil Collins. IMDb it. It's totally him.
- Peter Banning: Someone give me a hand.
- Captain Hook: I already have.
- [crowd ooh's]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh yes... I went there.
- Toodles: Lost, lost, lost.
- Peter Banning: Lost what?
- Toodles: I've lost my marbles.
- Nostalgia Critic: Pray to God you laughed at that joke, because this movie has at least three variations of it.