Zack Pearlman credited as playing...
Zack
- Zack: Matt has fallen ill with two acute medical conditions. Blue balls and a broken heart. And my associate, Jacob, and I have found a way to cure this problem.
- Zack: You just need to promise me you'll tell me one thing. Just one thing, that's all I want to know.
- Matt: I'll try. I will.
- Zack: Does she squirt?
- [Matt looks dumbfounded]
- Zack: Did she have a geyser? 'Cause she totally looks like...
- Matt: Yeah, yeah.
- Zack: Her vagina was like Old Yeller.
- Jacob: No, not Old Yeller. Old Yeller's a dog. Yellow, you're thinking of...
- Zack: Yellowstone Park.
- Jacob: Yeah.
- Zack: Old Geyser.
- Jacob: [laughs] No, not...
- Matt: Old Yeller. Old Yeller was the dog.
- Justin: Old Yeller is the dog.
- Matt: What's the name of the geyser?
- Zack: Old Geyser.
- Matt, Jacob, Justin: No.
- Justin: Old Face...
- Matt: Face/Off!
- Zack: [while on his knees, shaving Matt's pubic hair] So, when you're fucking her tonight, you know what you should say? I was thinking about this last week. You should say, "Girl, I'm gonna fuck the taste right out of your mouth."
- Matt: No. No, I'm not saying that to anyone.
- Zack: It's classy.
- Matt: It's not classy.
- Zack: It's very classy. That's like holding the door for a woman.
- Matt: Saying that I want to fuck the taste out of someone?
- Zack: Absolutely.
- [Admires the shaving work he's doing]
- Zack: I am good at this.