Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: You did this, didn't you?
- Wil Wheaton: You think I would really break up a couple just to win a bowling match?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I suppose not.
- Wil Wheaton: Good. Keep thinking that.
- Sheldon Cooper: [under his breath] Wheaton!
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, reminder. Bowling, tonight at seven o'clock.
- Penny: Oh, right. Bowling.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, you don't have to come if you don't want to.
- Penny: No, no, it's okay. I mean, let's face it, you guys would get creamed without me.
- Sheldon Cooper: We would indeed. In this particular case your lack of femininity works to our advantage.
- Penny: Always nice chatting with you, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Sarcasm?
- Penny: Thinly-veiled contempt.
- Sheldon Cooper: Remember: seven o'clock!
- Penny: Got it!
- Sheldon Cooper: Pacific Daylight Time.
- Penny: Bite me!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Could we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, how about this for a topic: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course they are. Leonard's being one.
- Sheldon Cooper: I so loathe you.
- Wil Wheaton: That's right, Sheldon. Embrace the dark side.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's not even from your franchise!
- Wil Wheaton: You're not still carrying a grudge because I beat you at that card tournament, are you?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm the proud owner of wilwheatonstinks.com, .net and .org. What does that tell you?
- Wil Wheaton: It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.
- [Points at Sheldon's head]
- Penny: Leonard, stop pressuring me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not pressuring you.
- Penny: Yeah, you are! Just back off!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll shut up.
- Penny: I didn't mean shut up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Fine. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.
- Penny: No. That isn't fair to you, Leonard. I'm sorry.
- [she heads for the door]
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait! Where are you going? Penny, come back! I'll get you ice cream!
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, let her go.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you insane? If she leaves, it's over!
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm pretty sure it's already over.
- Sheldon Cooper: Be the ball, Howard.
- Howard Wolowitz: Leave me alone, Sheldon.
- [trying for a 7-10 split, Howard misses the pins]
- Sheldon Cooper: You weren't the ball.
- Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider Man. The Pope Paul V to my Galileo. The Internet Explorer to my Firefox.
- Wil Wheaton: After you.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, after you. As we are currently crushing you, Wesley.
- Wil Wheaton: It's customary for the player on the right lane to bowl first.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right.
- [as Sheldon prepares to bowl, Wil bowls his own ball; Wil gets a spare, while Sheldon throws a gutter ball]
- Wil Wheaton: [Sheldon stares at him, offended] It's a custom, not a rule.
- Howard Wolowitz: I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.
- Sheldon Cooper: These are my own bowling shoes.
- Howard Wolowitz: Then what's with the disinfectant?
- Sheldon Cooper: I know where my feet have been.
- Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your momma! Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
- Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
- Sheldon Cooper: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.
- Sheldon Cooper: [as Wil picks up a spare] A common spare; the Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how it's really done.
- [picks up ball]
- Sheldon Cooper: I am the ball. My thoughts are its thoughts. Its holes are my holes.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is for you.
- Penny: Ice cream?
- Sheldon Cooper: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip Cathy. When she's upset, she says "Ack!" and eats ice cream.
- Penny: Uuum... Ack!
- Sheldon Cooper: If you were a cat, I would've brought you a lasagna.