Jennifer Love Hewitt credited as playing...
Samantha Horton
- Doreen: Oh, and drinks and Viagra are on the house.
- Samantha Horton: You give away Viagra?
- Jacie: It pays for itself. The little blue pill keeps us in the black.
- Doreen: We were worried when the economy tanked, but turns out that this is the most recession-proof business there is.
- Samantha Horton: And what about the police?
- Jacie: Ah, well, let's just say doughnuts ain't the only thing they're getting for free.
- Samantha Horton: Oh, shoot! I gotta get ready. We're supposed to be at the bank.
- Brady Horton: Why do you have to be at the bank?
- Samantha Horton: [sighs] Because we need money for stuff,
- [to Charlie:]
- Samantha Horton: like your braces.
- Charlie Horton: But I don't want braces. I want a video game player.
- Samantha Horton: Charlie, your mama's gonna tell you something true. No matter what you choose to do or be, life is easier if you're pretty. It does a girl no good to be good at video games.
- [kisses Charlie on the top of her head]
- Samantha Horton: Well, stop looking so shocked.
- Dee: I'm sorry, Sam, but this is my shocked face. If you want me to look different, you might need to say something a little less shocking.
- Samantha Horton: [shakes her head] I was just hoping for a little sympathy. I thought Pretty Woman was like your favorite movie.
- Dee: Oh, God, I love that movie. When is Julia Roberts gonna make another one that good?
- Samantha Horton: Dee, focus.
- Dee: Sorry.
- Samantha Horton: Look, I just needed somebody to talk to. And I couldn't tell Laura 'cause she'd probably have to have me arrested. And, God, please don't tell Phil.
- Dee: Of course I won't tell Phil. What wife tells her husband that someone like you is available?
- Samantha Horton: [sighs] You know, I know you're not supposed to say it, but I just love having money.
- Dee: Loving it maybe just a little bit too much?
- Samantha Horton: Dee, come on, you know I have always dreamed of not having to look at price tags.
- Dee: And Rex doesn't suspect anything? I mean, the watch, the earrings, the necklace? What do you tell him?
- Samantha Horton: That they're all fake. Come on, men don't know from jewelry.
- Dee: Well,
- [sighs]
- Dee: that's the truth.
- Samantha Horton: You know what's weird? Nobody even wants an explanation. It's like I'm Santa Claus.
- [shakes her head]
- Samantha Horton: Just as long as I keep giving them presents, they can see me soaring through the sky with flying reindeer.
- [Dee gives her an uncertain look]
- Samantha Horton: Don't worry... I know what I'm doing.
- Samantha Horton: [in a hurry to get out the sliding door] Oh! Dang it! I just broke my nail!
- Rex Horton: Sugar, no one's looking at your nails. Been married to you nine years, and I haven't gotten to your nails yet.
- Charlie Horton: Mama, are you gonna get more Coke?
- Samantha Horton: [misunderstands] What did you just say?
- Charlie Horton: [doesn't understand why Mama looks angry] I want one too.
- Cassie Dale: I'll take a beer!
- Samantha Horton: [back home] The problem is it's just too darn quiet in here. It's not natural for a mother of three to be this quiet.
- [much later, after drinking tea, and a lonely lunch:]
- Samantha Horton: It's not good for someone to spend this much time alone. I half wish a Jehova's Witness would stop by.
- [hears something outside]
- Samantha Horton: I finally have a wish come true, and I wish that?
- Laura: I don't know how you can do that. Touching naked strangers' bodies...
- Samantha Horton: It's just their skin, and it makes them happy.
- Emma Hollings: The money's good, but... God's always watching, you know?
- Samantha Horton: I rather did not need that thought in my head right now.
- Laura: What does your Mom say about all this?
- Samantha Horton: [dejectedly quoting] "That's the reason you have more than one kid - so that you can ditch the screwups."
- Laura: Sounds like your Mom.