Alec Baldwin credited as playing...
Jack Donaghy
- Jack Donaghy: What should be the role of the government for you?
- Steven Austin: Limited. I believe in small government.
- Jack Donaghy: Excellent answer.
- Steven Austin: Or no government at all. If it works in Antarctica, why can't it work here? But if we have to have government, make it as small as possible. Dwarves, tiny buildings, pizza bagels for lunch.
- Jack Donaghy: Maybe we should stop at small government.
- Liz Lemon: You don't know what you're talking about:
- [turns around to show label on back of her jeans]
- Liz Lemon: Hand-made in USA.
- Jack Donaghy: You're magic jeans are from BDL? Oh Lemon, it's not hand-made in USA, it's pronounced Hand-made in Usa. The Hand people are Vietnamese slave tribe and Usa is their island prison. They made your jeans. You know how they get the stitching so small?
- [puts hands to mouth and whispers]
- Jack Donaghy: orphans.
- Jack Donaghy: Let's cut to the chase. I need you to assure me you would never allow the government to interfere with the sale of one company to another.
- Steven Austin: The government shouldn't interfere in anything! What happens inside a man's own rain poncho at a minor league baseball game is his own business.
- Jack Donaghy: Well Steve, we should stop talking... before I change my mind.
- Jack Donaghy: She's courting the youth vote. That means she's desperate.
- Jonathan: My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.
- Jack Donaghy: I've been reading up on you, Steve. Honestly, I want to like you. But I see that you're not affiliated with the Republican Party.
- Steven Austin: The party system is broken, Jack. I don't believe in parties. I don't join 'em, and I never get invited to 'em... Hint, hint.
- Liz Lemon: I don't believe you. The liberal media would have told me about this.
- Jack Donaghy: No such thing. The New York Times is owned by NYT Incorporated, which is owned by Altheon Ballistic Dynamics, which is owned by the Murdoch family, who are owned...
- [dramatic pause]
- Jack Donaghy: By Halliburton.
- Liz Lemon: Don't talk down Brooklyn Without Limits. Stores like this are saving the world.
- Jack Donaghy: You're gonna lecture me about big business again? Do you know who owns Brooklyn Without Limits?
- Liz Lemon: Brooklyn Zack. He throws pool parties in dumpsters.
- Jack Donaghy: Halliburton. In the mid-'90s, they found themselves with a surplus of canvas waterboarding hoods, so they had sweatshops make them into messenger bags to sell to outer-borough idiots.
- Jack Donaghy: Letting morality get in the way of making money. I might as well go and... be a teacher.
- Liz Lemon: Big business is screwing up this country.
- Jack Donaghy: Please, you work for General Electric!
- Liz Lemon: Technically, I am a freelancer, which is pretty much a modern-day cowboy. And I live like a cowboy by buying quality, locally made jeans. Also by eating beans out of a can, due to impatience.
- Steven Austin: [Filming a campaign commercial] I am a constitutional originalist, and I believe that our founding fathers had it right. We need to get back to their America. No paved roads. Rum used as an anesthetic. Legalized slavery...
- Jack Donaghy: [interrupting] All right. Some good pieces.