Amy Poehler credited as playing...
Leslie Knope
- Leslie Knope: [about getting paired on a dating site] Alright, be honest Tom - how did you and I get matched up?
- Tom Haverford: I created 26 different profiles, each designed to attract a different type of girl. Tom A. Haverford - sporty and sexy. Tom B. Haverford - smooth and soulful. Which letter did you get?
- Leslie Knope: N, Tom N. Haverford.
- Tom Haverford: Ha! The N stands for nerd! I never even check that one because no one ever responds to it. Tom N. Haverford collects globes. His favorite movie is books.
- Leslie Knope: Donna?
- [Donna comes up to Tom and kisses him on the mouth, leaving him stunned]
- Leslie Knope: Every time I want you to shut up from now on.
- Ann Perkins: What's up?
- Leslie Knope: What's wrong with me? Why do good guys hate me and gross guys love me? Diagnose me, you're a nurse.
- Ann Perkins: There's nothing wrong with you. You're an intelligent, classy, attractive woman, but for whatever reason, right now, only douchey guys are buying what you're selling.
- Leslie Knope: So I should go and ask them what they think it is I'm selling.
- [pause, nods]
- Leslie Knope: A douche-vestigation.
- Leslie Knope: I don't know if the online thing is for me. I prefer to meet people in person. It's like door number two on Let's Make a Deal: do you want the thing that you have, that you know you like, but is it perfect? Or, do you give it up for what's behind door number two?
- [pause]
- Leslie Knope: I think I like what I have.