Aedin Mincks credited as playing...
Robert
- Ted: All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way. What do you want to do? You want to play a game? It's playtime, right? We'll play a game.
- Robert: Yeah, I want to play a game.
- Ted: Good, good. Uh, all right. Let's see. How about... How about we play a little game of hide and seek?
- Robert: I love hide and seek. I'll hide.
- Ted: Wait now, hang on a sec, there. Your dad likes you to show good manners. Right, Tubby McFat-Fuck?
- Robert: Okay, you hide first.
- Ted: Great. Fantastic. Okay, now you count to a hundred, and then you try to find me, okay?
- Robert: Okay. Uh, do I need to wash my hands before I play this game?
- Ted: No. That's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting.
- Donny: Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but uh, my-my son and I couldn't help but admire your teddy bear.
- John: Oh. Oh, thank you.
- Ted: Thanks.
- Donny: Yeah. I-I'm Donny, this is Robert. I, uh... I have to say, I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and, uh... and I remember seeing you on the Carson show. You were just wonderful.
- Ted: Oh, yeah, that was uh... that was a weird interview. Ed thought I was ALF, and he kept muttering anti-Semitic comments.
- Donny: Hey-hey um...
- Ted: He thought ALF was Jewish for some reason.
- Donny: Have you ever considered selling the bear?
- John: What?
- Ted: Excuse me?
- Robert: I want it.
- Ted: [defensively] Hey, I'm not an "it", pal. I'm a "he", all right?
- John: [stammers and stands up while speaking in a calm tone] I'm sorry, little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've- I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me.
- Robert: Stand up straight when you're talking to me.
- John: Why the fuck would he say that?
- Donny: Sorry, you know, you really shouldn't swear in front of children. Uh... Look, we're very interested in the bear. If- if you want to make some sort of arrangement, here's my address and phone number. And uh... you can call me any time, okay?
- John: Will do. Look. Here it goes, in the really important pocket for really important stuff. Okay? Okay.
- Donny: Okay.
- John: See you later.
- Donny: Hey. Come on, Robert.
- Ted: Take it easy.
- Robert: Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy.
- Donny: Yes, you are, my little chipmunk. Happy playtime.
- Ted: Jesus fucking Christ!
- Robert: I said a bad word one time. Daddy punished me for it.
- Ted: That's a great story. I felt like I was there.
- Robert: Daddy gave me an ouch. Now, I have to give you an ouch.
- [tears Ted's ear off]