Justin Carmical credited as playing...
JewWario • Yanki J
- Cinema Snob: The point I'm trying to get across is fuck you!
- Nostalgia Critic: Fuck you!
- Cinema Snob: Fuck YOU!
- Nostalgia Critic: Fuck YOU!
- JewWario: Oh, won't somebody think of the children?
- Nostalgia Chick: [Nostalgia Critic is beaten senseless] Well done, everyone, well done. Now, since I am next in line for the presidency, it's only fitting that I should wear the crown.
- [takes Critic's hat]
- Nostalgia Chick: You will refer to me as Madame President from now on.
- Bennett the Sage: Wait a minute, so this whole cutesy, naive thing was just an act?
- Nostalgia Chick: Yep.
- JewWario: You're not really that nice?
- Nostalgia Chick: Nope.
- Benzaie: You're not really that stupid?
- Nostalgia Chick: Uh-uh.
- Nostalgia Critic: First we take Molossia, and then... the neighbors down the street. And then their neighbors, and then their neighbors, and then their neighbors! Until we build a military force so gigantic that *nobody* would be able to stop us! And then we go global! First we start with Texas. Then Canada. Then France! And then whatever other nation stands in our way! And then...
- JewWario: Pudding?
- Nostalgia Critic: The world!
- Paw: That's a game of Risk.
- Linkara Patton: Yes, and it's also gonna serve as our battle plan. Now then, just assume that Northern Europe here is the Government House, and Greenland is the Back Yard. Angry Joe and I will be stationed here!
- [points at the United Kingdom]
- Linkara Patton: Handsome Tom and 8-Bit Mickey will travel in through the back, then Monty will come in through Messina.
- Bennett the Sage: Wait, wait! You can't travel that way, the countries have to be connected!
- Linkara Patton: No, they don't.
- Bennett the Sage: Yes, they do! See? See those dotted lines? They connect!
- Linkara Patton: They do?
- Bennett the Sage: Well, I thought so.
- Paw: I thought you needed dice for this.
- Linkara Patton: Do you?
- JewWario: How *do* you play this game anyway?
- Board James: Well guys...
- [He picks up box of Risk]
- Board James: Glad you asked. You got your deck of 56 risk cards, 3 red dice, 2 white dice, 6 sets of colored armies, and, of course, your game board because every board game has a game BOARD! The first step is to claim all the territories. Each player rolls 1 die. Whoever rolls the highest number gets to place one of their armies on the territory of your choice. After all territories are claimed, game play begins. At the beginning of every turn, count the number of territories you already own, then divide the number by 3. Then add that number of armies. You can also get armies by trading in certain combination of cards. You get the cards from capturing a territory. The attacker rolls the red dice based off the number of armies on the territory which is attacking. The winner is the first greedy bastard to take over the whole world. And that's... all there is to it
- Linkara Patton: Hey, that's good to know! Thanks, Board James!
- Board James: Well, thank *you* for the, uh... obligatory cameo.
- Nostalgia Critic, The Spoony One, Linkara, Angry Joe, Nostalgia Chick, Phelous, MarzGurl, Bennett the Sage, Benzaie, JewWario: I believe in Santa Christ.
- Nostalgia Critic: I mean, haven't you ever wanted to rule your own nation?
- JewWario: Does Sim City count?
- Linkara Patton: What are we doing playing a game? We're planning a strategy!
- JewWario: But this game is so much more fun, though!
- Linkara Patton: We're planning a TAKEOVER!
- JewWario: All right, already!