Olivia Colman credited as playing...
Sophie Chapman
- Midwife: OK, darling. Baby's doing fine, I just want to see how you're doing, see how dilated you are, OK?
- [she puts on a rubber glove]
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Hmm, stuck on the Medical Channel and there's no remote control.
- [the Midwife slips her hand between Sophie's legs. Sophie winces. Mark and Jeremy look at each other awkwardly]
- Jeremy Usborne: Maybe some... music?
- Mark Corrigan: Yes. Yeah, m-maybe some music.
- Sophie Chapman: [gasps] Uh-huh.
- [Jeremy goes over to a small hi-fi and switches it on. Panpipe music plays]
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] What a bastard. That's gonna drive us all totally bonkers.
- Midwife: Yeah, you're doing great, you're fully dilated. Your baby's coming. There's no time for an epidural.
- [Sophie groans. The midwife leaves]
- Sophie Chapman: She put her whole hand in!
- Mark Corrigan: Blimey.
- Sophie Chapman: I didn't think she'd put her whole hand in!
- Mark Corrigan: No, God.
- Jeremy Usborne: Look, maybe I should go.
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Of course, brings the insufferable music, then goes. He's like the 1980s.
- Sophie Chapman: [in labour] Aaaaaargh! Bastard, bastard, fat bastard!
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Is that for me or just general bastarding?
- Sophie Chapman: Oh, fuck off, fuck off!
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] If she keeps saying "fuck off", I might fuck off. That's got to be within your rights, to fuck off if someone repeatedly screams at you to fuck off.
- [to the midwife]
- Mark Corrigan: Can I... I just need to nip to the little boys' room.
- [voiceover]
- Mark Corrigan: Yeah, the little boys' room, for little boys.