Almighty Thor

Wow… almighty I think not. I saw the ads playing on TV and it actually looked like it might be some harmless, no-brainer fun. Terrible, but fun. Well it was a no-brainer. As this limited made-for-TV Scy-fy feature (from The Global Asylum productions) was a lousy superhero knock-off with little in way of entertainment and even unintentional laughs in this role-playing venture. It reminded me of those Hercules / Xena TV episodes, but they were better. Other than Cody Deal's humorously awkward delivery of his lines and overall whiny attitude as Thor, this mockery was rather drab and repetitive. How many times do I have to watch Richard Grieco as the demonic god Loki wandering around the woods and streets. At least with that wandering, he did look badass in his get-up while also frowning a lot but at least there was a purpose for that constant wandering… in search of Odin's Hammer of Invincibility. So there's a lot of walking (bad guys), then running (good guys) and but also yelling. I don't know why… but yelling seems like the only way to get something across. Especially Thor. Constant arguments with Patricia Velasquez'z helpful character. But even when danger is around (dogs of hell and the CGI) or there's a chance to finish things off, people decide to stand around explaining things that just don't need explaining. Maybe it's because Thor is just so stupid, you just wish Locki would finish the job… "…Not quite!". When it comes to the jerky action, for most part it's done in awesome slow-motion to simply enhance the epic, if lumbering fight choreography. It's no effect, they are virtually fighting in slow motion. One move after another. While watch round after round as Thor gets beaten up by Locki. Every encounter is basically the same and Thor is too dumb to realise training would help. But no he must kill Loki… NOW! Quite awe-inspiring, just like the powerful dialogues with a message at heart. However where is else to you get to see Thor toting a machine gun… yep a machine gun… against a god… and he did have the hammer at his use. It figures, as its lack of imagination shows. Also showing up in a small part is Kevin Nash as Odin.

"I don't believe in fate."

I have read other reviews of this film, and think they are being generous to talk about this film as having five characters, because I saw some people wandering around on the screen, sometimes in slo-mo, other times in no-mo, but there wasn't much character there. Cody Deal, who is he, by the way?, has the body for Thor; too bad they kept it covered up most of the time with a Wal-Mart quality costume. He doesn't have the voice for this kind of hero, however, and I kept waiting for him to just stop talking.

Richard Grieco has acting skills, which unfortunately he left back in the 1980s and neglected to bring along to this film. The rest can go without mention.

As for the plot, well, it is hard to talk about plot here. Thor is supposed to save the world by defeating the evil devil-god Loki in the back alleys of Los Angeles, and every other low-budget location that could be had for a hundred bucks and some coffee-shop coupons. Round this out with computer animations and enhancements straight off of my old Commodore 64 computer, and you get a major horror film, but perhaps not the kind of horror really intended. Someone was channeling Ed Wood here for sure. We just needed burning paper plates doubling as UFOs to complete the effect, and hey, there's an idea for a sequel! Syfy and Asylum were looking to cash in on the bigger Thor picture in theaters now (apparently this Thor auditioned for that role, too; in what universe was that going to happen?) but apparently Brannagh's Thor isn't hammering the crowds, either, in real blockbuster fashion.

Well, I guess this is the season for Worse rather than Norse.

I caught this on Syfy, and I wish I could make them take it back. The plot centered around Loki trying to destroy the earth by killing Yggdrasill, the tree of life. I don't remember if either Thor or Loki mention it by name; I got the impression they couldn't pronounce actual Nordic terms if their paychecks depended on it. Not only this, but Loki keeps talking about Ragnarok, and it is obvious the writers had no idea what the term means. They would probably also call people in a blimp "the Rapture." Anywhoo, the whole plot requires Loki to steal Thor's hammer. Why this is difficult is never made clear, because Thor is a major beefcake meathead. He sounds like a surfer and spends most of the movie looking like he needs a diaper change. Some woman named Jarnsaxa spoon-feeds him every move, which is amazing because she is practically unintelligible--a fact made even more painful when they do vocal effects and her words could not be deciphered even by CIA software.

I won't spoil the ending, because the director and writer already did that. Suffice it to say that it involves a trip to Hell; not HEL, the Nordic afterlife and the goddess thereof, but basically the Christian Hell--fire, lava, the whole ball of melting wax.

Watch this if you need a good laugh; there isn't an ounce of real heroism or grandeur in the whole mess. My biggest disappointment was Richard Grieco, who can be an effective menace but here comes across as a street punk with a wand and a skin condition.

It's almost like whoever wrote this doesn't know anything about Thor.

With Scifi(I refuse to type the other)pouring money in to garbage like this and canceling great shows they have destroyed the network and it started with wrestling, I don't see ever watching the channel again after the SGU finale.

I can't even watch more than 15 min of it and that was painful beyond words, then I thought it to be unfair to say the things like this without at least finishing it so i suffered... So if you want to feel like digging your eyes out with a spoon watch this. Character names were the only thing that had to do with Thor I really wish I could give it negative stars but 1 will have to do.

I have been a Thor fan since the first editions came out when I was a boy. This movie was a horrible adaptation of a great legend. The casting was terrible, the acting bad and the graphics seemed twenty years old. I understand low budget films made for cable, but I could not watch this one. Thor came across as a geek (not misspelled) god instead of the true power he should be. The hammer looked as if were made out of whatever could be found in the back yard. The female lead showed no real athleticism and the fight scenes were poorly choreographed. The movie may have gotten better as it progressed, but after 45 minutes I had to give up on it. All in all, a very disappointing movie that had great possibilities.