Neil Patrick Harris credited as playing...
Barney Stinson
- Dr. Kirby: [Reading Barney's heart monitor] What happened at 8:46 PM last night.?
- Barney Stinson: Well let's see, Wheel of Fortune, naked push ups, naked chin ups... oh I was at dinner.
- Nora: [At dinner] Barney, what I'm about to say is gonna sound a little weird, but, I'm think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it.
- Barney Stinson: Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked... unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'm
- [gestures to his heart monitor and mimics electrocution]
- Barney Stinson: ... what is it?
- Nora: I wanna get married. Not tonight, or even to you necessarily, but that's what I want, and if that's gonna scare you off, I'd rather it scare you off now. I want a family, I want to live in a house, with a garden with a tree for kids to climb. I want to go to sleep every night with the same person by my side, and wake up next to him in the morning - every morning - for the rest of my life. Just thought you should know that.
- Dr. Kirby: I'd like you to wear this heart monitor for the next twenty-four hours,
- Barney Stinson: Flag on the play, doc, I have a date tonight!
- Dr. Kirby: Don't worry, it's totally safe. Unless part of your big date involves connecting yourself to a car battery.
- Barney Stinson: Well now it doesn't.
- Barney Stinson: Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel, because she's got brothers.
- Nora: I'm sorry I've been trying not to stare at your chest all night.
- Barney Stinson: Hahaha, what's that like?
- Barney Stinson: Never ever meet a girl's parents.
- Ted Mosby: Not even if she is hot?
- Barney Stinson: Not even if her mom's hot!