Neil Patrick Harris credited as playing...
Barney Stinson
- Jerry Whitaker: [Jerome "Jerry" Whittaker sees Barney try to dismantle a basketball hoop over his driveway] Barney, what is going on?
- Barney Stinson: This is *mine*.
- Jerry Whitaker: I don't understand.
- Barney Stinson: JJ gets a childhood, a dad, a real family, and a basketball hoop? No, no, I at least get the hoop, I'm taking it with me.
- Jerry Whitaker: Please, just come down and talk to me.
- Barney Stinson: [Angry] Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame, suburban dad.
- Jerry Whitaker: Why does that make you so mad?
- Barney Stinson: Because if you were going to be some
- [agitated]
- Barney Stinson: lame, suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for *me*?
- Jerry Whitaker: Look, Barney, I know I screwed up.
- Barney Stinson: Oh, "screwed up" doesn't even begin to describe what I've been through...
- Jerry Whitaker: I know, I know, I KNOW! I want to fix this and I don't know how! Please, tell me what I can do! I'll do anything!
- [Barney continues trying to remove the hoop, Jerry briefly goes back inside and returns with a tool box]
- Jerry Whitaker: You'll never get it down like that.
- [gives screwdriver to Barney, who hits hoop with it like a hammer]
- Jerry Whitaker: No, Barney, Barney! Put the pointy end into the grooves. That's it, now turn it. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
- [Barney begins unscrewing]
- Jerry Whitaker: I have no good excuse, Barney. It took me years before I was even able to look myself in the mirror for the way I let you down. It took courage to send me that letter. More courage than I've ever had. I owe you a lifetime of apologies, and I, I just... I have no idea where to begin.
- Barney Stinson: Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing here, vibrating jello pit right there, rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here... don't ask you're not ready.