Josh Hutcherson credited as playing...
Clapton Davis
- Clapton Davis: Look, this summer everyone here in Grizzly Lake's gonna go off to college to incubate their pointless degrees, knock or get knocked up at a dorm room kegger, and come back here in a few years to populate one of these ugly tract homes with tiny little versions of themselves. These are our final days.
- [Clapton walks in on Billy gyrating behind Riley]
- Clapton Davis: Is this when I'm supposed to say "How could you?"
- Riley Jones: And what I'm supposed to say, "It's not what it looks like?"
- Billy Nolan: What, are you two fucking?
- Ione: And you lied to me! It is not normal for people's semen to glow in the dark.
- Clapton Davis: Billy, she never saw my semen. I swear to God.
- Clapton Davis: Sander, Ione's an old soul trapped in a very painfully hot cheerleader body. Plus, she knows the lyrics to Sting's "Fields of Gold." Every little thing she does is magic. Believe it.
- Clapton Davis: Ione, did you tell Billy about us?
- Ione: Clapton, the small guy always beats the invincible killing machine. You're my Pat Morita!
- Clapton Davis: Isn't he dead?
- Clapton Davis: Did you know that more Grizzly Lake kids have been conceived to Oasis than any other Beatles cover band? "Definitely Maybe" is, like, the British working-class Rohypnol.
- Ione: That's hilarious. What is it?
- Clapton Davis: I don't know. It looks like a bong.
- Mr. Kendall: Well, Clapton... I'm wet.
- Principal Verge: I get it - listening to your loud music, tripping out to Fraggle Rock - but the question is: What does the future hold for Clapton Davis?
- Clapton Davis: Well, I am starting my own music site.
- Principal Verge: Mmm.
- Clapton Davis: It's going to list new releases and review albums from bands that nobody's heard of except for me, and if they have, I'll just dismiss them with scathing comparisons to avant-garde folk rockers.
- Principal Verge: Mmm.
- Clapton Davis: Everything is grade' on a ultra precise one hundred point scale, and no place for feedback.
- Principal Verge: Excellent.
- Clapton Davis: If readers want to bitch-about, they'll have to go on their twitters. Good taste is not a democracy.
- Principal Verge: And this pays, what, 13.5 a year?
- Clapton Davis: Free... Costello tickets.
- Principal Verge: Do you think that I am teaching students out of love? I'm not. It's your senior year and your GPA is... It's a disgrace, but I'd rather not see you back here next fall. Give me an excuse to graduate you. IMPRESS me. Get a A. Save a small country. Something, anything, otherwise get expelled... with the lowest grades in Grizzly Lake history.
- Clapton Davis: Does Home Ec count?
- Principal Verge: Get your shit together, son!