Sand Sharks

Sand Sharks (2012)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

JAWS meets TREMORS in this silly, straight-to-DVD creature feature that lacks any real bite. A small town discovers that there is a deadly shark swimming through the sand but they're able to destroy it before a bunch of college kids show up for a beach party. As you'd guess, it turns out that the shark was just a baby and soon its mother shows up. If you're looking for some sort of classic then it's best to stick with one of the films mentioned before. If you're looking for a really cheap, really silly movie then SAND SHARKS might just be for you. When you go into a movie like this quality isn't what you should be looking for but instead you can just hope for some "so bad it's good" moments and this film offers plenty of those. I must admit that there were several times where I found myself laughing extremely loud at what's going on in this thing. The first glimpses of the sharks swimming around in the sand were rather hilarious and there are other bits of comedy here that works. One such example is a scene where a woman gets bitten in two and the guy with her tries to save her life by attaching her guts together. The film certainly shouldn't be taken too serious as there are so many logical problems here. With that said, what really kills this movie is the fact that it clocks in at a way-too-long 90-minutes. Remember when movies like this clocked in less than 70-minutes? I guess the films of today must clock in at 90-minutes for television but it's really too bad because if you took out the boring personal drama crap then you'd be left with a fun monster movie. Believe it or not but the performances are actually above average for this type of thing and it appears that Brooke Hogan took some acting classes as her work here is much better than we saw in 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK. I'm a little surprised that the producers didn't get into some trouble because there are several scenes that rip-off JAWS and the heads of the monsters also rip off the ones in TREMORS. This film here isn't nearly in the same league as those two classics but with dialogue like "We're stuck between a rock and a shark place," you can at least have a laugh.

Oh dear Lord, this was horrible.

Well, actually I knew that right away from the title alone, but at the same time I wanted to see it because I knew it was going to be one of those campy movies that make you shake your head in disbelief, and trust me, it did.

The story itself is so amazingly ridiculous. Sharks swimming through sand. Come on. Who comes up with ideas like these?

And the cast, well even though some of them were actually putting on adequate performances, the movie was just weighed down by a poor plot and bad CGI effects.

There are lots of really bad shark movies available on the movie market, and "Sand Sharks" is right up there with them. It is utterly non-plausible and just down right stupid at times. "Sand Sharks" is worth a watch if you want something to laugh at while trying to recover from a bad hang over, and that is about it.

What's next, Concrete Alligators?

Damn. I remember when the Scifi channel was a great channel. Battlestar Galactica. Caprica. Classic sf movies. Twilight zone (ok, they still show that). then NBC took over and the channel went down hill, linking up with those losers at The Asylum, where they should all be committed, and showing absolute garbage like this. This crap makes stuff by Shyamalan look good. I'm not even kidding here. Bad acting. Bad SFX, bad story. Bad everything. And then some idiot will say, "Oh it's a homage to the great B's of the past." Ha. These aren't even as good as the trailers of B's of the past. They should all go to Corman school and learn how to do things on a budget. I'm swearing off the formerly known as the scifi channel forever.

No seriously, what did I watch???

I didn't know whether to cry or laugh at the stupidity throughout the movie.

Sure the CGI isn't great, and the idea of sand sharks itself isn't exactly a genius' work, but that didn't really disturb me. I think the over and under the top acting was the worst part, additionally, whoever took part in writing the script should be shot. I've seen pornos or "romantic dramas" from 1995 with better scripts... (reference:"I like to play games").

I guess I would watch this movie again if friends came over and we would all get really really really high while watching the movie, then I would say it's an amazing comedy.

Jimmy Green (Corin Nemec of Parker Lewis Can't Lose fame), a con-man always up for a quick buck whom convinces his dad the Mayor to hold a beach rave while sand sharks are gobbling up people, is the one (questionable) slightly bright-point in yet another Asylum made turd. His charisma makes one almost (but not quite) forget, or excuse, how shoddy this typical bad Asylum is. The thing is that it's still better than 98% of what that atrocious studio craps out year in and year out.

I know, I know, not a ringing endorsement but with movies that premiere on SyFy, one has to go in with vastly diminished expectations in order to derive something, anything, good from said picture. Lest we go mad.

My Grade; D