George Coe credited as playing...
Woodhouse
- Woodhouse: Lieutenant Scripes abhorred the way Reggie, err, Captain Thistleton carried on with the men.
- Sterling Archer: Yeah, didn't Oscar Wilde get hard labor for that?
- Woodhouse: Oh, I'll just yank his pants off, splash a lot of scotch and women's underthings about, and then tell him he slipped and fell chasing a terrified Asian prostitute out onto the patio. It's not the first time I've bashed his head in and had to cover my tracks. Happens three, four times a year.
- Sterling Archer: Woodhouse? What the hell is this?
- Woodhouse: I believe it's squash, sir.
- Sterling Archer: What are you shoveling it into?
- Woodhouse: The wee baby Seamus. Miss Trinette said you'd agreed to it while she's in Atlantic City for the weekend.
- Sterling Archer: WHAT!
- Woodhouse: For the Pimps and Ho's Ball I believe she said. Didn't seem the sort of place one takes a baby.
- Sterling Archer: Why are you sitting? At my table?
- Woodhouse: The paper sir. There's an item.
- Sterling Archer: Oh, yeah. Did somebody finally out the queen? Right? This baby knows what I'm talking about.
- Woodhouse: Not much left of the old Double Deuce any more. We're all dying off.
- Sterling Archer: Yeah, uhh, not a huge surprise.
- Woodhouse: Hell indeed, sir, because, one at a time, the remaining survivors of the old Double Deuce... are being murdered.
- Sterling Archer: Oh, my God. Are we out of Bloody Marys?
- Woodhouse: Gave birth to you right there on that greasy bar. I cut the cord and I've been with your family ever since.
- Sterling Archer: You... You saw mother's VAGINA! Oh, my god! Ahhh! Oh, god! Oh, I can't breathe.