Hayride

How to describe "Hayride" ? A rather pointless slasher flick, a genre that by 2012 had been a cliché for two if not three decades. Here we see a mysterious character - mysterious in a sense, because there is never any doubt as to his identity, not that it matters - murdering people left right and centre, guys as well as gals just in case there are some in the audience who might be tempted to play the "violence against women" card. Audience, what audience? Heck, would anyone watch this if it were not on YouTube? Seriously, as someone said of a Snoopy Green film, I saw it for free, and I still want my money back.

If you are into gore, very weak special effects, the occasional shriek of a damsel, and a mystery that can't be solved because it is really no mystery, you might find something of interest here, or as Abraham Lincoln said once, people who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.

Two events collide in HAYRIDE creating the backbone of the story: #1- A behemoth-sized, mass-murdering maniac named Duncan escapes custody and goes on a rampage. #2- an annual Halloween hayride takes place nearby. This occurs after the hayride operators have told the tale of "Pitchfork", a legendary murderer.

Needless to say, Duncan shows up and the gushy fun begins.

HAYRIDE is an ultra-low-budget film that makes the best of its limited resources. Are there moments of clunky-ness? Yes. Is there some cheeeze? Yes, but overall it's an effective enough Halloween retro-slasher. Hell, there's even a bit of character development! Now, THAT'S scary!...

Rural Alabama, the Moon is full and it's time for the annual Halloween Hayride event. Bodies are piling up, is it the work of an escaped killer or is the legend of the maniac Pitchfork really true?

I'll get straight to the point, this is a poor and unoriginal movie. Pitchfork wears a sack mask (as did Jason in Friday the 13th part 2), we even have a cop called Loomis (Halloween)! The only actor of any credit is Richard Tyson, but let's be honest that's not saying much. Some scenes have incredibly annoying shakey cam, combined with bad acting this makes a rather horrible viewing experience. Most of the kills are off screen or in the dark, there is little in the way of gore and absolutely zero nudity. However Hayride does have a decent enough kill count, I liked the rural locations and the addition of some classical Beethoven music was welcome. If, like me, you are a die hard slasher movie fan and you're in need of a stalk 'n' slash fix then Hayride will just about suffice. I do feel a tad generous awarding this 4/10 but I have seen far worse than this.

There is a brief post end credits scene that hints at a sequel, which did indeed come about three years later.

I'm often amazed at 1 star reviews, but is one case where I could understand. I can honestly contend that this is, without doubt, without hyperbole, the absolute lowest of the low. In several years of Octoberfest, dozens upon dozens of Halloween based films, this one bites the dust (in hindsight, previous worst "House of Fears" is Oscar worthy in comparison).

The opening bits between guy and girl and his family had a certain charm, authenticness perhaps. It seemed a 5/10 (my default, basically neutral or passable). 45-55 mins in, it loses its intro period grace and just keeps knowing at the bone. I honestly doubt there was a script with entire segments just going on and on and on, seemingly entirely improved and not even edited. Actors blatantly looking into the camera.

There is no humor, no gore, no good kills, no nudity, no budget, no script, no editing. The sound effects are overused stock and the "score" consists of old classics that are free to public domain.

The "kills" are entirely cut-away. Someone is seen walking, we cut away to shot of killer, killer makes stabbing motion, we cut away to victim who suddenly has ketchup on neck, stomach, etc. That or killer sneaks behind and we get an implied but never seen back stab. No effects or effort made. Not a single decent kill will be found.

This movie is absolute drivel that anyone could do with probably 50 dollars worth of Halloween toy props and a phone, provided you can get people to "act" and supply some vehicles. By 55 mins, I simply gave up and fast forwarded through the pathetic kills and lame ass ending. I've seen bad films before but this takes the cake. 2/10 is a new low for me, as is having to actually resort to fast forwarding. I honestly hope I can spare someone from this experience, you will undoubtedly regret it. Beyond the niche appeal of Halloween based films, it holds absolutely no value to horror or film at large

The front cover of the DVD has a bloke in black hoodie with Jason from Friday the 13th hockey mask but instead we get a Jason lookalike big sack over his head just like Jason before hockey mask killing with a pitchfork.