H. Jon Benjamin credited as playing...
Sterling Archer
- Trinette McGoon: What the shit!
- Sterling Archer: I know. I'm not normally a tattoo guy, but...
- Trinette McGoon: Not yours, shit brain. His!
- Sterling Archer: Yeah, it's like we've got each other's backs. Right?
- Trinette McGoon: You can't tattoo a frickin' baby!
- Sterling Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. I had to slip him an extra $100.
- Trinette McGoon: How about I slip somebody $100 to throw acid in your face!
- Sterling Archer: Costs more than that, I bet. To buy acid, Trinette.
- Trinette McGoon: Come on, Seamus. I hope your stupid cancer kills you!
- Sterling Archer: Oh yeah, well, I hope... I hope it doesn't!
- Sterling Archer: Lana, I'm in love with you.
- Lana Kane: You are also shitfaced.
- Sterling Archer: I can be both.
- Trinette McGoon: What?
- Sterling Archer: Breast cancer and yes, seriously. And I don't know how it's going to turn out, so I wanted to, you know, spend some time with the wee baby Seamus.
- Trinette McGoon: He's not even your real kid!
- Sterling Archer: So?
- Trinette McGoon: So, it's weird.
- Sterling Archer: So is me paying you child support, Trinette, but you keep cashing the checks!
- Trinette McGoon: Hey.
- Sterling Archer: I'm sorry. Come one, Trinette, Seamus may not be my son, but he's probably as close as I'm ever going to get.
- Trinette McGoon: Ugh, um... Where are you taking him?
- Sterling Archer: I don't know. What's he into?
- Sterling Archer: Who's Dicky?
- Woodhouse: My brother.
- Sterling Archer: What?
- Woodhouse: He's younger.
- Sterling Archer: Obviously.
- Sterling Archer: Wow, it's kinda weird opening up like this, huh?
- Malory Archer: Yeah, give me another belt.
- Sterling Archer: And there's so much I still wanna do!
- Malory Archer: Oh, now you're gonna be fine.
- Sterling Archer: Like I've never been to Rome.
- Malory Archer: What? Yes you have.
- Sterling Archer: For work, mother!
- Malory Archer: Sterling Malory Archer, this surgery is going to work and you, look at me, you are going to beat cancer.
- Sterling Archer: But what if I don't?
- Lana Kane: So, how's this going?
- Malory Archer: Not great.
- Sterling Archer: Lana, what if I don't?
- Lana Kane: Um.
- Malory Archer: Can you take him home?
- Lana Kane: Can you not?
- Malory Archer: No. If I don't get something to eat I'm going to literally die.